church

Observations of a Seasoned Church Goer

~ mercyfortheday ~ Leave a comment

I had an interesting conversation with a stranger the other night. I was standing in a mostly empty parking lot in the dark with a group of people I don’t know. We were waiting to pick up orders we had placed that had been delivered to an empty church parking lot. It may sound sketchy, but it’s all legit. I promise. I started a conversation with the woman standing nearest me. Oh. I had heard her name and thought I knew something about her, so I asked her about it. I asked if she attended the church I attended. She hesitated for a second. Then she said no. She said she used to attend the church but had left it.

This woman then proceeded to tell me the reason in detail why her family had left the church that I have fallen in love with. She said she didn’t feel community in the church. Oh. Her family had been attending the church for several years so their kids could be involved in the youth group. Several of the family members were heavily involved in another ministry of the church. She and her husband had been a part of a small group that later disbanded. And in their attempts to join another group, they weren’t made to feel welcome. After awhile, they felt the church had become too cliquey. She said that when they left the church, no one from the church reached out to them to see if they were ok. No one contacted them to find out what was going on. No one. They heard from NO ONE.

She admitted to me, a stranger, that she knew they were partially responsible for not finding community in the church since they weren’t involved in a small group. She knew that was part of their problem. But she also said she and her husband felt it was time to move on after a key person in the church moved away. So they left, too.

I know it sometimes seems easier to slip away quietly and never look back than it is to keep trying even though no one’s watching.

Oh. They haven’t found a new church home yet. They’re still looking. And she said something interesting, yet not surprising. Most of the churches in the community aren’t biblically sound churches. They don’t really teach the Bible, and they’ve lost their way by instead focusing on cultural approval. That’s not what she’s looking for. And she knew that although our church is biblically sound, it just doesn’t seem to be the place for her. They’ve been attending a newer church where some of their kids attend. They’re not sure if that’s where they’ll land, but that’s where they are for now.

I told her of our experience with this church when we were newbies. I told her that no one was friendly. No one talked to us. But we have since gotten involved in a small group and other ministry areas. We are feeling community around us, and we’re developing relationships. And that’s the important thing to do in church. Get involved and meet other people. Many people are looking for friendship with others who have similar beliefs. It isn’t easy or comfortable. It takes work, and we need to push aside the discomfort we will feel when putting ourselves in an unfamiliar setting. It takes time to grow relationships and find our people. We need to embrace the need for community and actively seek it. We’re making progress, but we still have a ways to go.

This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends. John 15:12-13

After talking with her, I thought of two other women who were attending the church when I first moved here. I don’t know their names, but I saw them on a regular basis. They weren’t together. They didn’t even know each other. Each of them sat alone. I never really saw them talking to anyone. Being new myself, I didn’t know if they were new or just kept to themselves. And, of course, I never spoke to them. Now neither of them are attending the church. I haven’t seen them in months. I wonder if they too felt a lack of community. I wonder if they too were overlooked by a church full of people every Sunday. It can happen, and it does happen far more often than we may realize.

Church. We need to do better than this. Even if we’re a solid introvert, we can still extend the hand of friendship when we see someone sitting alone. When we see a new person walk through the doors, we can greet them and introduce ourselves. And when someone is looking for a new small group, why not invite them to join yours? We all need community. We all need friendships. We all need fellowship. And we don’t get that by sitting alone and not getting involved.

This woman I met in the dark wasn’t looking for affirmation that she did the right thing by walking away. Nor was she looking for a lecture telling her she should go back and try again. She just needed to be heard. She needed to let out all the loneliness and disappointment when no one else had stopped to even ask. Perhaps it was easier telling a stranger in the dark. Oh. I had no idea that I would hear such a story. I was dismayed to think that my church could treat someone unkindly. But I also knew how I felt when no one spoke to me for weeks. When no one even saw that I existed.

I reached out to her the next day to let her know that I was praying that she and her husband could find a church where community and fellowship were plentiful. There are those churches. But I’ve learned something in life that’s easy to forget. The church is full of people. Imperfect people. And imperfect people sometimes overlook other people. We sometimes forget to open the door of friendship to someone else who isn’t already one of us. We don’t include those who are new. We don’t allow people who’ve attended our church for years to become part of our small group, because we don’t welcome change. We can do better. We must do better. Because if believers don’t treat other believers well, how are we treating unbelievers?

Later in the evening, this woman responded to my text. She said she had thought about our conversation that morning. Then she invited me and my husband to her family’s Christmas open house. We’ll go. We are all looking for friendship, fellowship, discipleship, acceptance and accountability. That’s what community is all about. And meeting new people is always the way to expand your community.

This problem isn’t confined to only my church. If we’re honest, it probably happens in most churches. We get set in our ways, and we expect someone else to take care of the new people or those who are searching for fellowship. We assume someone else will notice them. And that’s how many people are unknowingly pushed aside. If most people were aware of this problem in their church, they would be horrified. But would they make sure it never happened again? After all, church is the place where everyone is supposed to feel welcome.

It’s too bad that the church is just like workplaces and schools and neighborhoods where only the select are made to feel welcome. Locked-in friendship groups are very real in churches, just as they are in other areas of life. This isn’t community. It’s a clique. Shame on us Christians. Let’s open our hearts to those who are seeking relationships with fellow believers. No one is above the other.

Well, gotta go! I have a Christmas party to attend.

Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins. Show hospitality to one another without grumbling. 1 Peter 4:8-9

Clinically Speaking

~ mercyfortheday ~ Leave a comment

Earlier this spring, I took pickleball lessons. One hour a week for four weeks. Oh. I learned to play pickleball, and I’ve been playing it weekly ever since. It’s a fun sport for us non-sporty retirees. Yeah. Injuries can happen. I’ve heard the horror stories. And I’ve noticed that my pickleball group and I have continued to improve from our once weekly games. We have seen definite improvement week over week. We’re getting better, but we’re nowhere near pro status. That isn’t our goal. We just want to have fun.

When we were leaving the courts last week, I saw a sign indicating it was time to register for pickleball leagues for the fall. I’m not ready for that. I’m not sure I’ll ever be ready for that. I’m still very much a beginner. I dug around on the park district’s website to learn more about the park’s fall pickleball plans. I discovered that they offer a three-week clinic for beginner and intermediate players. I think I’ll join. I want to sharpen my skills and solidify my knowledge of the rules, which is somewhat slippery at times. There are lots of rules in pickleball.

I sent the link to my pickleball crew, but it seems that no one can join me. And that’s ok. I can sharpen my skills with a new group of beginners. But I wonder. When will I stop seeing myself as a beginner? Because, at this point, I feel I don’t do anything intentionally when I’m playing. The way I serve or volley or lob or dink just happen. And yes, dink is a pickleball term. I want to be an intentional player.

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come. 2 Corinthians 5:17

I became a Christian when I was a young child. I remember the night. Our church was having a revival, and we went to church every night for about a week. And it was during the school year. My family never missed a service, so we went every night regardless of whether we had school the next day or not. At the end of the service one night, I went to the altar and asked Jesus to forgive my sins. I became a new creation in Christ that night. I think I was eight or nine.

Oh. My family attended church every time the church doors were open. If there was a service or an event at church, we were there. I attended Sunday School, church, prayer meetings, revival services, missionary meetings, VBS and church camp. It was what we did. We went to church. My parents were faithful followers of Christ, and they instilled that practice into their children.

Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian, the same as taking pickleball classes doesn’t make you a pickleball champion. There is a learning process and the daily practice of abiding by biblical principles that grow our relationship with Christ. Yes. We still need to attend church and attend often. We need to be involved with fellow believers. And we should be involved in the work of the church in some way. But works don’t make us a Christian, and works won’t get us into heaven.

It’s the daily laying down of our will and surrendering to walking the path of Christianity that helps grow our faith. In order to know God’s Word, we must read it on a regular basis. And we must study the Bible. It isn’t enough to just read it. It isn’t a novel we read once and then set aside. We must dig into it and seek to understand what God is saying to us. We must spend time in prayer, not just praying for things we want. We must pray for the needs of others, and we must pray for our spiritual and political leaders. We must pray that people who don’t know Jesus as their Lord and Savior will make that commitment. Actually, we must pray about everything. There is nothing off limits that we can’t pray about. And we must practice sound biblical ethics. There’s no point in becoming a Christian if we still plan to lie, cheat and steal and commit other ungodly behaviors.

Being a new Christian is similar to being a novice pickleballer. We need to be mentored by someone who has spent years honing their commitment to Christ and then are willing to share that knowledge with newbies. We can sign up for the new Bible study group at church, so we can learn more about God’s Word and build relationships with other believers. Oh sure. Getting involved with others may be risky. But isn’t going it alone just as risky? Anyone who’s ever tried to play pickleball alone knows it’s impossible. You can hit the ball against a wall all you want, but it isn’t the same as playing a game with a foursome of players. To get the full effect of pickleball, you need to play real games with other players. It’s the same in Christianity. We must spend time with other believers who will encourage us and sharpen us in our walk with Christ. We need accountability.

Oh. Neither pickleball or Christianity are rocket science, but there is a learning curve as a beginner. And what I mean is that, as a Christian, we need to find solid biblical teachers to guide us. Just as my first pickleball instructor left out a lot of pickleball rules and details that beginners need to know, some Bible teachers interpret Scriptures incorrectly and can lead new believers down the wrong path. And there are “Bible” teachers and people who identify as Christians who don’t teach biblical truths. We need to find Christian teachers who teach sound biblical truths. They’re out there, but you may have to search until you find a biblically sound church with solid preachers and teachers. Just don’t stop learning and don’t settle for questionable teaching. You won’t regret all the biblical truths and practices you will learn if you make a habit of lifelong learning.

Faithful Few

~ mercyfortheday ~ Leave a comment

Well. We went and did it. We joined the new seniors group at church last week.  I keep asking myself if we’re really seniors. I don’t feel like one, but I also know I’m not a spring chicken. I guess it’s time to admit the inevitable, because we’re not getting any younger. 

We met some new people that night. Some younger than us and some older. One couple has been around since the church was founded, and the man built the current church building. There’s some history among the older ones in the church, that’s for sure.

I find it very inspiring to know that multiple families who have attended this church throughout its life are still attending. Their longevity at the church speaks volumes. I’ve heard talk of some tough times in the past where many in the church left. Never to return. But it’s obvious that not everyone ran away from the troubles. Some stuck around and have since seen a healing in their church body.

The past few years have seen a resurgence in attendance, and the growth of the church continues. It appears to be a healthy and thriving place for folks of all ages. There’s a nice mix of young and old in the congregation. I like that. 

And then there’s our small group. It’s a group of less than ten people who are in our age range. And the beauty of this group is that they have been together for a long time. They not only have been in the same small group, but they have attended the same church for years. Their kids grew up together and know each other. They all know the good, the bad and the ugly about each other’s families. And yet, they’ve welcomed the two of us with open arms. They’ve welcomed newcomers to their community of believers. And it feels so right.

Oh sure. In this small group, we study the Bible. And we pray together. But there is also a time of lighter conversation as we partake of some light dessert. These people genuinely care about each other. And as they talk about their children and grandchildren, there is a deep sense of pride. They greatly enjoy spending time with their adult children, and they freely admit it. I recall one man recently beamed with pride when he spoke of his son telling him that he would like to spend his Sunday afternoon one on one. Tears easily flow down the face of another of these gentlemen as he is moved by the commitment each of his children has made to faithfully serve God. He cherishes the time he gets to spend with them.

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us. We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus, the champion who initiates and perfects our faith. Hebrews 12:1-2

And no. Their families aren’t all perfect. There are some deep hurts and disappointments they’ve experienced over the years, but the frailty of family relationships hasn’t dimmed their love for their families or for their God. They remain deeply committed to both. Some of their children are currently walking down a road away from biblical principals, yet their parents remain committed to an open relationship with them. And when they take the opportunity to speak biblical truths at the appointed time. Regardless of the decisions their children make, they still love and pray for them.

These couples have stood the test of time in their faith and their marriages. They are a shining example of living a committed and faithful life not only to their chosen spouse, but also to their God. They have lived an imperfect Christian witness throughout the years, as any of us do, but their faith has only deepened throughout the hills and valleys of the years.

We don’t have to be perfect to be lifelong followers of Christ. We need to be consistent in our commitment of obedience when the Holy Spirit nudges us. We must be open to conviction when we are made aware of inconsistencies in our lives. Oh. These people I’ve recently begun doing life with don’t always get everything right. They would be the first to admit their flaws, but their walk with God through the years has proven that God is true to his word. His is faithful to those who call him Lord and Savior, and these few who call him Lord and Savior are faithful to him. Does life get any better than that?

And you must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your strength. And you must commit yourselves wholeheartedly to these commands that I am giving you today. Repeat them again and again to your children. Talk about them when you are at home and when you are on the road, when you are going to bed and when you are getting up. Tie them to your hands and wear them on your forehead as reminders. Write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates. Deuteronomy 6:5-9

We’re pilgrims on the journey of the narrow road
And those who’ve gone before us line the way
Cheering on the faithful, encouraging the weary
Their lives a stirring testament to God’s sustaining grace
Surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses
Let us run the race not only for the prize
But as those who’ve gone before us
Let us leave to those behind us
The heritage of faithfulness passed on through godly lives


Oh, may all who come behind us find us faithful
May the fire of our devotion light their way
May the footprints that we leave lead them to believe
And the lives we live inspire them to obey
Oh, may all who come behind us find us faithful


After all our hopes and dreams have come and gone
And our children sift through all we’ve left behind
May the clues that they discover and the memories they uncover
Become the light that leads them to the road we each must find


Oh, may all who come behind us find us faithful
May the fire of our devotion light their way
May the footprints that we leave lead them to believe
And the lives we live inspire them to obey
Oh, may all who come behind us find us faithful
May the fire of our devotion light their way
May the footprints that we leave lead them to believe
And the lives we live inspire them to obey
Oh, may all who come behind us find us faithful

~Steve Green