community

Helping Others

~ mercyfortheday ~ 1 Comment

I don’t mean to brag, but I helped someone this week. This is someone I met last year at my church. When my husband and I learned that she and her husband lived near us, we told her to let us know if they ever needed help. We’ve repeated that offered multiple times. You see. She and her husband are up in years, and he has been diagnosed with a progressive disease. They both see the signs and issues it causes, and he recently told her that they needed to move. So they bought a house in town and need help packing up their old one. That’s where we come in.

She approached me a couple of weeks ago at church and told me that only the realtor knew of their recent home purchase. She asked if I would be able to help her with the packing. Of course, I’m willing to help. She mentioned that we had kindly offered many other times to help if she needed anything. And she wasn’t too proud to ask this time. She knew she needed the help. That’s what friends are for. To help someone in their time of need.

I’m glad she felt comfortable asking for help. I know it isn’t easy to humble ourselves and admit that we can’t do everything. And that happens more often as we age. We’re just not strong enough or sturdy enough to do heavy work. Her husband surely isn’t able to do physical work any longer. And while she’s still willing and able, cleaning out a house and purging used household items is hard work at any age. Trust me. I know. We just did that two years ago, and it’s a very painful but necessary ordeal.

So, the time has come for her to call on friends to help. And here we are. Ready and able.

Even to your old age and gray hairs I am he, I am he who will sustain you. I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you. Isaiah 46:4

I don’t know too much about their family situation, but they seem to have no one else to call on to help. And that’s rather sad, because I know they have family who live nearby. I’m just happy that she felt she could actually ask us for help. Because we’re more than willing. So we went and helped. I cleaned out and packed up the buffet filled with two sets of beautiful fragile china dishes, and my husband kept her husband company. I’m sure she may ask me to come back another day, and that’s ok, too.

Stand up in the presence of the aged, show respect for the elderly and revere your God. I am the Lord. Leviticus 19:32

Many times, older people are shoved aside and left to fend for themselves. Sometimes they have family nearby to help them, but other times they don’t. And there are those whose family members won’t even offer to help. But there are also many people who are afraid to ask for help. They don’t want to be a bother, so they suffer quietly and alone. There’s no need for that. Especially when they have a strong church family who would jump at the chance to lend a helping hand. No one is seeking payment or recognition. It’s just the Christian thing to do to step in when someone is in need.

We never know when we may be in a similar situation. When we can no longer pack up boxes or lift and move heavy items. And we may not have family nearby or anyone we feel comfortable leaning on. What happens then? Who will we call on?

And it isn’t just the older crowd who needs help. At times, it can be a young person who isn’t living near family. And they have no one close by. Perhaps they are new to an area and don’t have any close friends. They may need help. Who do they call? When we see someone in need and we have the time and means to help, shouldn’t we extend a hand?

I recall just two short years ago when I was new to the area where we now live, I only knew my family members who lived nearby. It seemed almost every week I was having a new crisis with the house we bought. And I had no one else to call. My family came through every single time. I’m not sure what I would have done without them.

We don’t have to act all tough and rugged and pretend everything is great, all the while wilting on the inside. That’s no way to live. We aren’t considered a failure just because we need help. No one can do everything all the time. And, no one knows we have a need unless we share it. There’s no reason to protect ourselves and isolate from those around us who would be willing to lend a hand if only we shared our need. Most people are willing to help someone, if only they knew.

God didn’t create us to be totally self-sufficient. He blesses each of us with many different gifts, and then he gives us opportunities to use them. Those gifts can’t be hoarded and kept to ourselves. They are to be used to bless others who have a need for what we have to offer. My prayer is that I will be willing and able to help others the next time I’m asked. I’m sure the day will come again when I will be the needy one calling on others, and I’ll appreciate the help they will give. But until that day comes, I’ll be glad to help when the need arises.

So then, as we have opportunity, let us do good to everyone, and especially to those who are of the household of faith. Galatians 6:10

Do to others as you would have them do to you. Luke 6:31

Observations of a Seasoned Church Goer

~ mercyfortheday ~ Leave a comment

I had an interesting conversation with a stranger the other night. I was standing in a mostly empty parking lot in the dark with a group of people I don’t know. We were waiting to pick up orders we had placed that had been delivered to an empty church parking lot. It may sound sketchy, but it’s all legit. I promise. I started a conversation with the woman standing nearest me. Oh. I had heard her name and thought I knew something about her, so I asked her about it. I asked if she attended the church I attended. She hesitated for a second. Then she said no. She said she used to attend the church but had left it.

This woman then proceeded to tell me the reason in detail why her family had left the church that I have fallen in love with. She said she didn’t feel community in the church. Oh. Her family had been attending the church for several years so their kids could be involved in the youth group. Several of the family members were heavily involved in another ministry of the church. She and her husband had been a part of a small group that later disbanded. And in their attempts to join another group, they weren’t made to feel welcome. After awhile, they felt the church had become too cliquey. She said that when they left the church, no one from the church reached out to them to see if they were ok. No one contacted them to find out what was going on. No one. They heard from NO ONE.

She admitted to me, a stranger, that she knew they were partially responsible for not finding community in the church since they weren’t involved in a small group. She knew that was part of their problem. But she also said she and her husband felt it was time to move on after a key person in the church moved away. So they left, too.

I know it sometimes seems easier to slip away quietly and never look back than it is to keep trying even though no one’s watching.

Oh. They haven’t found a new church home yet. They’re still looking. And she said something interesting, yet not surprising. Most of the churches in the community aren’t biblically sound churches. They don’t really teach the Bible, and they’ve lost their way by instead focusing on cultural approval. That’s not what she’s looking for. And she knew that although our church is biblically sound, it just doesn’t seem to be the place for her. They’ve been attending a newer church where some of their kids attend. They’re not sure if that’s where they’ll land, but that’s where they are for now.

I told her of our experience with this church when we were newbies. I told her that no one was friendly. No one talked to us. But we have since gotten involved in a small group and other ministry areas. We are feeling community around us, and we’re developing relationships. And that’s the important thing to do in church. Get involved and meet other people. Many people are looking for friendship with others who have similar beliefs. It isn’t easy or comfortable. It takes work, and we need to push aside the discomfort we will feel when putting ourselves in an unfamiliar setting. It takes time to grow relationships and find our people. We need to embrace the need for community and actively seek it. We’re making progress, but we still have a ways to go.

This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends. John 15:12-13

After talking with her, I thought of two other women who were attending the church when I first moved here. I don’t know their names, but I saw them on a regular basis. They weren’t together. They didn’t even know each other. Each of them sat alone. I never really saw them talking to anyone. Being new myself, I didn’t know if they were new or just kept to themselves. And, of course, I never spoke to them. Now neither of them are attending the church. I haven’t seen them in months. I wonder if they too felt a lack of community. I wonder if they too were overlooked by a church full of people every Sunday. It can happen, and it does happen far more often than we may realize.

Church. We need to do better than this. Even if we’re a solid introvert, we can still extend the hand of friendship when we see someone sitting alone. When we see a new person walk through the doors, we can greet them and introduce ourselves. And when someone is looking for a new small group, why not invite them to join yours? We all need community. We all need friendships. We all need fellowship. And we don’t get that by sitting alone and not getting involved.

This woman I met in the dark wasn’t looking for affirmation that she did the right thing by walking away. Nor was she looking for a lecture telling her she should go back and try again. She just needed to be heard. She needed to let out all the loneliness and disappointment when no one else had stopped to even ask. Perhaps it was easier telling a stranger in the dark. Oh. I had no idea that I would hear such a story. I was dismayed to think that my church could treat someone unkindly. But I also knew how I felt when no one spoke to me for weeks. When no one even saw that I existed.

I reached out to her the next day to let her know that I was praying that she and her husband could find a church where community and fellowship were plentiful. There are those churches. But I’ve learned something in life that’s easy to forget. The church is full of people. Imperfect people. And imperfect people sometimes overlook other people. We sometimes forget to open the door of friendship to someone else who isn’t already one of us. We don’t include those who are new. We don’t allow people who’ve attended our church for years to become part of our small group, because we don’t welcome change. We can do better. We must do better. Because if believers don’t treat other believers well, how are we treating unbelievers?

Later in the evening, this woman responded to my text. She said she had thought about our conversation that morning. Then she invited me and my husband to her family’s Christmas open house. We’ll go. We are all looking for friendship, fellowship, discipleship, acceptance and accountability. That’s what community is all about. And meeting new people is always the way to expand your community.

This problem isn’t confined to only my church. If we’re honest, it probably happens in most churches. We get set in our ways, and we expect someone else to take care of the new people or those who are searching for fellowship. We assume someone else will notice them. And that’s how many people are unknowingly pushed aside. If most people were aware of this problem in their church, they would be horrified. But would they make sure it never happened again? After all, church is the place where everyone is supposed to feel welcome.

It’s too bad that the church is just like workplaces and schools and neighborhoods where only the select are made to feel welcome. Locked-in friendship groups are very real in churches, just as they are in other areas of life. This isn’t community. It’s a clique. Shame on us Christians. Let’s open our hearts to those who are seeking relationships with fellow believers. No one is above the other.

Well, gotta go! I have a Christmas party to attend.

Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins. Show hospitality to one another without grumbling. 1 Peter 4:8-9