kindness

Pickleball Mafia

~ mercyfortheday ~ Leave a comment

So I’ve joined the world of pickleball. And I’ve discovered that I like it. It’s fun. It gets me moving. I try to play once a week. I’m a beginner, but I’m seeing improvement in my game. So I think there’s hope. Oh. Not that I’ll ever be a professional or play in a tournament. Nothing like that. That’s not my goal. But it’s nice to get in an outdoor aerobic workout on a sunny day. It feels good to move around and hit the ball. And I’ve met some new people.

We’re a group of six to eight retirees who met at our pickleball lessons in April. We’re all at the same beginner level and have continued to meet after we completed the four-week class. Some of us have moved to the area in the last few years and others are long-time residents. We’re there to have fun and get a little exercise. So far it’s working.

There is one in our group who told me in front of the group that I needed to correct my serve. I kindly let her know that my serving style was completely legal in the world of pickleball. I could have pointed her biggest flaw out to her, which has to be obvious to the entire group. She doesn’t like to move, so she stands in one spot and never goes out of her way to hit the ball if it’s not directly in her path. And she calls the ball out too many times when her opponents can’t see if it really is in or out. We’re all beginners and have much room for improvement, so let’s be kind and gracious to each other.

We play at the courts in a public park. There are eight courts in this particular park and are open to the public. They’re free of charge and can’t be reserved. It’s first come, first serve. If you’ve been playing for an hour and there are groups waiting, then you must step aside to allow others a chance to play. Sounds harmless. Right? Right.

I’ve been informed by others who are more knowledgeable about these things that there are groups of pickleballers who take the game very seriously. I mean. They’re serious about their pickleball. I think our group has recently run into such a group. We were informed by a member of said group that they use four of the courts for advanced players and the other four for those less experienced. And then after each game, they rotate to play with different players in their set of four courts. And they also use a specific color of ball so they know who is in their group. It was subtly suggested to our group that we follow their rules. Really?

It seems that some in our group were willing to abide by this other group’s rules, but a couple of us were dead set against it. I reminded our group that we are playing at a public park where courts can’t be reserved. We play at our leisure and abide by the park’s rules and regulation pickleball rules. No one else’s. So, to back up my stand on the issue, I called the park district and talked through the situation with someone a few days later. When I explained our dilemma and provided all the details, I let the gentleman know that my goal wasn’t to cause trouble but to get the facts straight. He informed me that he knew exactly who I was talking about. Apparently, this group I call the pickleball mafia have done the same thing to other groups. He said he would speak to them.

And one in their group walked over to our group in the midst of our game and gave us a playing tip. Oh. She was polite, but it felt intrusive. Who does that? And a member of our group actually recognized her and called her by name. Then she was forced to acknowledge the relationship. How odd.

And whatever you do or say, do it as a representative of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks through him to God the Father. Colossians 3:17

Oh. I know. It’s just a game. That’s right. It is. And we want it to stay that way.

So. The question is this. How do we get along with others who try to manipulate us? How do we work with someone who tries to one-up us? Here’s the catch with that type of scenario. The more you give in to them, the more they’ll try to take. And how do you ever get back to the way things should have been, in the first place? It’s an age old dilemma.

Not a single person on earth is always good and never sins. Don’t eavesdrop on others—you may hear your servant curse you. For you know how often you yourself have cursed others. Ecclesiastes 7:20-22

At the same time, we don’t have to be a doormat and let others walk all over us. We should stand up for what we know is right and true and good. Fairness never grows old. And as Christians, how do we deal with situations where others are trying to exert more control than they really have? How do we kindly and Christianly stand up for ourselves without insulting others?

The Word of God offers so much wisdom on dealing with others and with how to navigate difficult situations. We must live wisely, because not everyone we meet is a believer. Not everyone is looking out for the best interests of others. As Christ followers, we must stand apart and be a godly example in our conduct and our speech. We can’t allow Satan to lead us down the path of ungodly behavior. And we can’t just look away and accept unacceptable behavior.

Live wisely among those who are not believers, and make the most of every opportunity. Let your conversation be gracious and attractive so that you will have the right response for everyone. Colossians 4:5-6

We’re also told in the books of Romans that we can’t repay someone when they plan evil against us. We must do what is right in the eyes of everyone, because along with everyone else, God is also watching. And as far as it depends on us, we must live at peace with everyone. That is a tall order, it may seem, especially in certain situations. But when the other party is set on evil, we set our eyes on eternity and act accordingly. We must seek peace and pursue it, but not at the cost of accepting evil standards.

Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord. Romans 12:17-19

Since God chose you to be the holy people he loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others. Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds us all together in perfect harmony. And let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your hearts. For as members of one body you are called to live in peace. And always be thankful. Colossians 3:12-15

As we pursue Christ, let’s remember to keep a sharp mind, a soft heart and thick skin.

Alisa Childers

Kindness is Refreshing

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The apostle Paul wrote a personal letter to a fellow believer and friend, Philemon. Now Philemon was a slave owner in the times of the early church. Paul also mentioned Apphia and Archippus in the letter. Scholars have noted that these two were most likely the wife and son of Philemon. This family had a slave named Onesimus, who had run away from their home. This, of course, was very upsetting to the family for various reasons. And somehow in running from his master, Onesimus found his way to Paul. And Paul learned to love this runaway slave as his own son. Somewhere in his life, Onesimus had become a follower of Christ. Was it because of his master’s Christian witness, or was it from Paul’s?

But matters needed to be settled between the slave and his master. Onesimus couldn’t keep running forever, so Paul wrote to his friend Philemon with the hopes of making amends for this errant slave. No one knows why Onesimus ran away. Was he mistreated? Or misunderstood? Was he dishonest or difficult to work with? It could have been that he just longed for freedom. But in those days, punishment for a runaway slave was not pleasant.

Onesimus had wronged his master. But Philemon was known as a kind man. His reputation was one of kindness. So he must have been disappointed, to put it mildly, to find his slave had betrayed his trust. And now his friend Paul was asking him to accept Onesimus back in the spirit of kindness. Could he make amends with the one who had wronged him? Would he? 

I have to ask myself how I would treat someone who had publicly wronged me. Because it wasn’t as if losing a slave was a private matter. Word gets around when a slave goes missing. Some owners might bend to threatening their slaves in case they get the same idea and there’s a made rush for freedom. 

What is the proper thing to do if the slave comes back seeking restitution?

The generous will prosper; those who refresh others will themselves be refreshed. Proverbs 11:25

Am I known for kindness? Do I always offer the hand of kindness when I have been wronged? Would my first instinct be to play the victim and then speak ill of the offender? Or would I instead speak of their positive traits that I appreciate? Would I dredge up all the inconsistencies I’ve seen in their life or share the good I witnessed? Would I keep my thoughts to myself or would I share every dirty secret I know about the traitor?

When I am remembered by others, what do they remember? Is it my sharp tongue? My art of putting others in their place? Or am I fondly remembered for my kindness? Do others consider the kind deeds I’ve performed in their time of need? Do they know of my goodness and not only my badness? Not that my reputation is of necessity, but as a known follower of Christ, how do I represent the one I claim to represent?

The thing is. Paul expected Philemon to kindly welcome Onesimus back home. Oh. Maybe there would be restrictions on his freedom. There would most likely be a time of testing. But it was clear that Paul’s expectation was that Onesimus would be welcomed with outstretched arms. Philemon’s reputation preceded him, as he was known for his deep faith in Christ. Paul knew Philemon’s faith was proven and true and that it had produced in him the fruit of the Spirit, one of which is kindness. Philemon bore the image of Christ. And didn’t Christ tell us to forgive others as we have been forgiven for our sins? So wouldn’t it be natural to expect Philemon to forgive his disobedient servant? He had shown kindness to others in times past. Why not now?

Oh. No one said it would be easy to forgive a wayward slave. But as one whose faith in Christ had matured, Philemon knew the value of forgiveness. He knew the saving work of grace in his life, so why wouldn’t he extend it to others? As the Holy Spirit had worked to trim the unproductive vines in his life, he had become a solid example of Christlikeness to others. Now he must act on it.

But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. There is no law against these things! Those who belong to Christ Jesus have nailed the passions and desires of their sinful nature to his cross and crucified them there. Since we are living by the Spirit, let us follow the Spirit’s leading in every part of our lives. Let us not become conceited, or provoke one another, or be jealous of one another. Galatians 5:22-26

Are the fruits of my faith and love on display for others to see? Do others know that I’ll treat someone who’s wronged me with forgiveness? Or, do they wonder how I’ll handle this obstacle in my life? Am I consistent in my faith, or do I act on my feelings and fears? Do I hold a grudge, or do I hold my faith strongly? No one knows our hearts but God, until we act publicly on our heart’s leanings. Then our true nature is on display for all to see.

And I am praying that you will put into action the generosity that comes from your faith as you understand and experience all the good things we have in Christ. Your love has given me much joy and comfort, my brother, for your kindness has often refreshed the hearts of God’s people. Philemon 1:6-7

Hearts are unknown but to God, till overt acts discover them. Matthew Henry

Good Samaritan

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I didn’t see her fall. But there she was on the cold snowy street. On all fours. Strangers ran over to offer help. Even with kind hands supporting her, she was struggling to get up. A young man lay his coat on the ground to give her traction. Yet she was only able to crawl over to the sidewalk. Once she made her way to the brick building, she was able to pull herself up into a standing position. She leaned against the cold wall for a minute to regain her composure. Embarrassed and humiliated, she stood and collected herself before moving on. I wasn’t sure if she was alone, or if someone in the small crowd was accompanying her on her errands.

 She was of an older age. White hair. Slow gait. Youth had passed her by. She appeared to struggle with bodily movements that the young take for granted. She carried a small black handbag. I never saw her face. Was she confused or disoriented? Was she anxious because of the winter weather? I don’t know if her mental faculties were in place. She needed help whether she wanted it or not. And several strangers rushed to her side.

It was a reminder to me that there are plenty of kind people in this world. There are good samaritans who will step up and help a stranger in need. Not necessarily wanting to be obvious about their good deed, but lending a hand when it is called for.

I asked myself. If I had seen her first, would I have rushed to offer a helping hand? Would I have shown kindness? Or would I have been a silent sidewalk gawker, hoping someone else would step forward?  

That same day, a friend had asked me to hold her accountable if she was acting in an unkind way. She said that as close friends we need that accountability, and she expected me to speak up if I saw something ungodly in her behavior. If only more of us would ask for accountability and then hold others to it when asked. This is another good samaritan act that is often overlooked and unwanted. Who of us wants to be told we’re acting in a shameful way? Who wants to be set straight? But kind words of correction and admonition can be set a wayward soul on the right path.

Love your neighbor as yourself. Leviticus 19:18

Someone else recently received a life changing diagnosis, followed by major surgery. The treatments that lie ahead would cause anyone to be anxious. And rightfully so. Friends brought food for the family. Acts of kindness were shown. Work schedules rearranged. Love continues to be poured into a family whose normal routine has turned upside down for the foreseeeable future. Random acts of kindness and words of encouragement are a blessing to the one in need.

I have to ask myself. Do I look for opportunities to help others? Not necessarily when their need is obvious. But when it’s a quiet gesture of support and encouragement? When it will be unknown and unnoticed by others? Do I still offer help?

There’s a story in the Bible about a man who asks Jesus how he can inherit eternal life. Jesus asks him if he has read the Scriptures. After all, the man asking the question is an expert in religious law. He has probably memorized most of the historic Scriptures. And he quoted the exact words that will give him eternal life. Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your strength and with all your mind. And love your neighbor as yourself. And Jesus confirmed that he should live the words he just quoted. Then Jesus gave an example of what that lifestyle would look like.

To read the full story about the Good Samaritan, read Luke 10:25-37.

In the story of the Good Samaritan, the man who offered the help was a member of a hated group of people. They weren’t followers of the holy Scriptures. And the two men who offered no help were supposedly godly men. Shouldn’t each of us be willing to help someone in need? Our differences don’t have to separate us. We can reach across the divide to help a needy soul, regardless of their beliefs or lifestyle. Kindness never goes out of style.