fellowship

Observations of a Seasoned Church Goer

~ mercyfortheday ~ Leave a comment

I had an interesting conversation with a stranger the other night. I was standing in a mostly empty parking lot in the dark with a group of people I don’t know. We were waiting to pick up orders we had placed that had been delivered to an empty church parking lot. It may sound sketchy, but it’s all legit. I promise. I started a conversation with the woman standing nearest me. Oh. I had heard her name and thought I knew something about her, so I asked her about it. I asked if she attended the church I attended. She hesitated for a second. Then she said no. She said she used to attend the church but had left it.

This woman then proceeded to tell me the reason in detail why her family had left the church that I have fallen in love with. She said she didn’t feel community in the church. Oh. Her family had been attending the church for several years so their kids could be involved in the youth group. Several of the family members were heavily involved in another ministry of the church. She and her husband had been a part of a small group that later disbanded. And in their attempts to join another group, they weren’t made to feel welcome. After awhile, they felt the church had become too cliquey. She said that when they left the church, no one from the church reached out to them to see if they were ok. No one contacted them to find out what was going on. No one. They heard from NO ONE.

She admitted to me, a stranger, that she knew they were partially responsible for not finding community in the church since they weren’t involved in a small group. She knew that was part of their problem. But she also said she and her husband felt it was time to move on after a key person in the church moved away. So they left, too.

I know it sometimes seems easier to slip away quietly and never look back than it is to keep trying even though no one’s watching.

Oh. They haven’t found a new church home yet. They’re still looking. And she said something interesting, yet not surprising. Most of the churches in the community aren’t biblically sound churches. They don’t really teach the Bible, and they’ve lost their way by instead focusing on cultural approval. That’s not what she’s looking for. And she knew that although our church is biblically sound, it just doesn’t seem to be the place for her. They’ve been attending a newer church where some of their kids attend. They’re not sure if that’s where they’ll land, but that’s where they are for now.

I told her of our experience with this church when we were newbies. I told her that no one was friendly. No one talked to us. But we have since gotten involved in a small group and other ministry areas. We are feeling community around us, and we’re developing relationships. And that’s the important thing to do in church. Get involved and meet other people. Many people are looking for friendship with others who have similar beliefs. It isn’t easy or comfortable. It takes work, and we need to push aside the discomfort we will feel when putting ourselves in an unfamiliar setting. It takes time to grow relationships and find our people. We need to embrace the need for community and actively seek it. We’re making progress, but we still have a ways to go.

This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends. John 15:12-13

After talking with her, I thought of two other women who were attending the church when I first moved here. I don’t know their names, but I saw them on a regular basis. They weren’t together. They didn’t even know each other. Each of them sat alone. I never really saw them talking to anyone. Being new myself, I didn’t know if they were new or just kept to themselves. And, of course, I never spoke to them. Now neither of them are attending the church. I haven’t seen them in months. I wonder if they too felt a lack of community. I wonder if they too were overlooked by a church full of people every Sunday. It can happen, and it does happen far more often than we may realize.

Church. We need to do better than this. Even if we’re a solid introvert, we can still extend the hand of friendship when we see someone sitting alone. When we see a new person walk through the doors, we can greet them and introduce ourselves. And when someone is looking for a new small group, why not invite them to join yours? We all need community. We all need friendships. We all need fellowship. And we don’t get that by sitting alone and not getting involved.

This woman I met in the dark wasn’t looking for affirmation that she did the right thing by walking away. Nor was she looking for a lecture telling her she should go back and try again. She just needed to be heard. She needed to let out all the loneliness and disappointment when no one else had stopped to even ask. Perhaps it was easier telling a stranger in the dark. Oh. I had no idea that I would hear such a story. I was dismayed to think that my church could treat someone unkindly. But I also knew how I felt when no one spoke to me for weeks. When no one even saw that I existed.

I reached out to her the next day to let her know that I was praying that she and her husband could find a church where community and fellowship were plentiful. There are those churches. But I’ve learned something in life that’s easy to forget. The church is full of people. Imperfect people. And imperfect people sometimes overlook other people. We sometimes forget to open the door of friendship to someone else who isn’t already one of us. We don’t include those who are new. We don’t allow people who’ve attended our church for years to become part of our small group, because we don’t welcome change. We can do better. We must do better. Because if believers don’t treat other believers well, how are we treating unbelievers?

Later in the evening, this woman responded to my text. She said she had thought about our conversation that morning. Then she invited me and my husband to her family’s Christmas open house. We’ll go. We are all looking for friendship, fellowship, discipleship, acceptance and accountability. That’s what community is all about. And meeting new people is always the way to expand your community.

This problem isn’t confined to only my church. If we’re honest, it probably happens in most churches. We get set in our ways, and we expect someone else to take care of the new people or those who are searching for fellowship. We assume someone else will notice them. And that’s how many people are unknowingly pushed aside. If most people were aware of this problem in their church, they would be horrified. But would they make sure it never happened again? After all, church is the place where everyone is supposed to feel welcome.

It’s too bad that the church is just like workplaces and schools and neighborhoods where only the select are made to feel welcome. Locked-in friendship groups are very real in churches, just as they are in other areas of life. This isn’t community. It’s a clique. Shame on us Christians. Let’s open our hearts to those who are seeking relationships with fellow believers. No one is above the other.

Well, gotta go! I have a Christmas party to attend.

Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins. Show hospitality to one another without grumbling. 1 Peter 4:8-9

Old Men in the Post Office

~ mercyfortheday ~ Leave a comment

In my small town, everyone has to pick up their mail at the post office. It isn’t delivered to our houses. It’s a bit inconvenient, but it’s also an acquired habit to go to the post office and possibly run into your neighbors. I once ran into the neighbor across the street whom I’ve never met. She didn’t acknowledge me, so I didn’t say anything, either. She might not have even recognized me. I barely recognized her, because I had only seen her from a distance. However, I did recognize her car.

But earlier this week, I walked into the post office and almost ran into two older gentlemen who were standing inside the door carrying on a lengthy conversation. They actually knew each other and were happily conversing. Of course. They were standing in the way of anyone trying to enter or exit the building, but they didn’t seem to mind. They did step out of the way when I opened the door, but they kept right on chatting.

Further inside the building, another older gentleman was in deep conversation with the post mistress. And that woman. She knows everyone. She’s been sorting the mail for our small town for many years. She’s now close to retirement age, but she tells me that she has no plans to retire. She likes her job and loves keeping up with the towns folk. She can even recite my mailbox number when she sees me. I’m sure she can do that for most people who come through the door. I tell myself that because I hate to think that she’s got my number memorized because I get so many packages. But regardless of the reason, she can look at me and quote my po box number by heart.

I wonder just how many conversations between old timers goes on in that post office every day. I mean. If you want to get your mail, you have to stop by and go inside. It’s fairly often that I run into someone on my way in or out. Not always, but a lot of times. I just don’t know the people because I haven’t lived here that long. Most of these people seem to be lifetime residents, so they know others in our small out of the way town.

Since I moved here a year ago, I’ve had opportunity to meet many new people. When we decided to uproot our lives, we knew that we would walk away from friendships of many years. We knew that we would need to set down roots in a community of fellow believers and become part of that fellowship. And that’s what we’ve been doing since the moment we moved in. Has the effort been successful? At times, it seems so. Other times, we see that there is still room for improvement. We realize at this age, people have already built deep long lasting relationships and aren’t necessarily looking for more. They’ve found their people. And it’s been obvious. But there are some who have reached out the hand of friendship, and for that we’re thankful.

Since we live in a rural area of small towns, most people know and are known by many others in the community. It’s obvious, and I think that’s great. But I’ve also found that while many are friendly, they don’t reach out to become friends. It’s an interesting phase of life to be in and it’s sometimes a bit unsettling. But it’s the life we’re living, and we don’t look back. Oh. I’m not complaining. I’m just stating facts. It’s a good lesson to me, the biggest introvert on earth, that I need to be more friendly and do my part about reaching out to newbies. They too may be looking for a new friend.

And may the Lord make your love for one another and for all people grow and overflow, just as our love for you overflows. 1 Thessalonians 3:12

It seems that we all need to get out of our comfort zones and reach out to others. You may not think you need a new friend, but someone else may be looking for one. It could be you who’ll fit the bill of friend in their lives, and it never hurts to stretch ourselves and meet someone new. We get so stuck in our comfortable lives that we don’t think about others needing others. We are relieved that our friendship list is full, so we stop looking for new friends. We stop welcoming others into our circle. And heaven forbid that we get to know the new people. Comfort is safety for us. And we are good about avoiding uncomfortable situations.

So. Here’s the challenge. Move out of your comfort zone and get to know others. Say hi. Extend a friendly welcome to someone you don’t know. Actually chat with them. Find some common ground. Extend a hand of friendship and follow up the next time you see them. You could make someone’s day just with a short conversation. And then do the next hard thing. Invite them to join you for coffee. Or lunch. They may just be the new friend you didn’t know you needed. Always be willing to make room for one more in your circle. You’ll be surprised how much fuller your life will be.

Let us think of ways to motivate one another to acts of love and good works. And let us not neglect our meeting together, as some people do, but encourage one another, especially now that the day of his return is drawing near. Hebrews 10:24-25

Work at living in peace with everyone, and work at living a holy life, for those who are not holy will not see the Lord. Look after each other so that none of you fails to receive the grace of God. Watch out that no poisonous root of bitterness grows up to trouble you, corrupting many. Hebrews 12:14-15

Be careful then, dear brothers and sisters. Make sure that your own hearts are not evil and unbelieving, turning you away from the living God. You must warn each other every day, while it is still “today,” so that none of you will be deceived by sin and hardened against God. For if we are faithful to the end, trusting God just as firmly as when we first believed, we will share in all that belongs to Christ. Hebrews 3:12-14

As believers, we really do need each other. We need to do life together. Oh sure. It’s great to have food and fellowship with each other. But what about accountability and discipleship? We need that, too. We need others to listen to our concerns and hear our prayer requests. We need to have others pray for us and we need to pray for them. We need to study the Bible together and hash out what God is saying to us today. We must ask the uncomfortable questions and sometimes receive uncomfortable answers. We must walk the road of life with people who will sharpen us and point us to a closer walk with Christ. We’re not meant to walk this path of life alone. So. Open the door to that new friendship. Your life and theirs will be enriched.

I’m so thankful for the one who invited me to their small group last year. It’s a great group of godly people who have been very welcoming to a couple of newbies. I’m thankful for all of them.

As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend. Proverbs 27:17

Fellowship of Suffering

~ mercyfortheday ~ Leave a comment

What does it mean? The fellowship of suffering? I thought fellowship was a coming together of like minds. Enjoying the company of common ground. A friendly association with someone of like interests. But suffering? I’ve not really bought into that.

Honestly. The suffering that I’ve experienced probably isn’t true suffering. Compared to what I see and know of others. My life is mild. Oh sure. I’ve had my fair share of ups and downs. Fears. Loss. Discouragement. Trying times. Typical life difficulties.

But I’ve never hung on a cross and died. For myself or for others. I’ve never been spat on. I’ve never been stripped naked and forced to carry a heavy cross on my raw beaten back. I’ve never worn a crown of thorns. 

I’ve never received a life altering diagnosis.  I’ve never been handcuffed and stood before a judge.  I’ve never been served papers.  I’ve never been beaten.  I’ve never lost everything. Oh.  I’ve lost.  I’ve lost family members.  I’ve lost jobs.  I’ve lost friends. 

So what do I know of suffering?

I’ve never been put on trial for crimes I didn’t commit. And then sentenced to death. My mother never wept for my cruel death. 

Oh. I’ve been betrayed by those I thought I could trust. I’ve been handed over to others who carried out their own plans for me. I’ve had cruel words spoken to my face. I’ve been bullied.

But have I really suffered? Is it suffering when someone publicly outs me for words spoken in private? When I’ve felt safe to express my opinion but then publicly called on the carpet for it?

Where is the glory in suffering? Where is the fellowship? Is my suffering a product of my own doing? Or of my own undoing?

And since we are his children, we are his heirs. In fact, together with Christ we are heirs of God’s glory. But if we are to share his glory, we must also share his suffering. Romans 8:17

Elisabeth Elliott says that suffering is never for nothing.  There are hard lessons to learn during the time of suffering.  She says that suffering is having what you don’t want or wanting what you don’t have.

I have to wonder if I’ve caused some of my own suffering. Am I my own thorn in my side? Do I blame God and others when I need to remove the mote from my own eye? Is my suffering another name for the thorn in the side I’ve been given? And can I get past the bitterness in order to use that thorn as a source of ministry to others just like me?

Will I look back on these days in awe and wonder that I survived without a scratch and thank my heavenly Father that I didn’t really suffer? Or will I realize that what I thought was suffering was not even a drop in the bucket of misery?   Only time will tell. 

What if my suffering is still in front of me. What if my current state of suffering really isn’t suffering at all.

I have to ask myself the question. What does my suffering produce? Does it lead to anger and bitterness? Lashing out at others about the unfairness of God? Trying to punish God for treating me so poorly? How could a loving God allow this? Or do I surrender in knowing that my God is carrying me through the depths of pain and loss and uncertainty? Do I find joy in a closer relationship with a God who loves me even when unexpected twists and turns come in life? Do I allow myself to be wrapped in the sweet arms of Jesus and just be held?

Can anything ever separate us from Christ’s love? Does it mean he no longer loves us if we have trouble or calamity, or are persecuted, or hungry, or destitute, or in danger, or threatened with death? Romans 8:35

It’s in the surrender and acceptance of my situation that leads me to fellowship.  Once all the thought of getting even or standing my ground passes, the knowing of God’s love gives the sweet peace that nothing else matters.  The pain.  The loss.  The heartache.  The hurt.  The healing.  The new normal.  The surrender of my will to a loving God brings a sweet fellowship that surpasses everything else.  The trust that God will be with me every step of the way gives a calming peace to my soul.

Better Together

~ mercyfortheday ~ Leave a comment

Two churches stand poised to make history. A history of faith and obedience. Or a history of fear and rejection. Oh. That may sound harsh. But hear me out.

Both churches are in the midst of change. Both churches have been praying for a miracle. Both churches need a miracle. Just not the same miracle. But sometimes God’s miracles aren’t what we expect. Sometimes someone else’s miracle is also our miracle wrapped all in the same package. Just with different gifts inside.

One church has a beautiful property. They can no longer afford it. Upkeep has stalled. Ministries have been underfunded. The bank has come calling. They face an uncertain future. Time is running short. They need a miracle.

The other church has sold their property. When God said move, they sold their facility and began a search. Even when they had no place to move. They’ve been looking for a new location. Nothing fits the bill or the wallet. Time is running short. They need a miracle.

I know these churches. I love both churches. I’m part of one now and was part of the other in the past. Both churches have great people who love God. Both churches are filled with people who want to obey God. Oh. Yes. They’ve each been praying for a miracle. They just didn’t know what that miracle would look like.

And now. God has placed a miracle in front of us. All we have to do is reach out and accept it. Oh. It sounds so simple. And it is. Obedience is a simple act of faith. When we pray for a miracle, it’s God’s miracle to perform as he sees fit. We don’t design our own miracles. We need to step back and let God do what only God can do. And he’s doing it.

God has opened the door for both churches to come together in the one location. Sounds so simple. But it requires change. For everyone. We like to think we like change. But really. Change is hard. Change demands obedience. Change requires…well….change. For everyone. Everyone will find a level of discomfort as they adjust to the newness required of them. Bold steps of faith will be needed.

God can do anything, you know—far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams! He does it not by pushing us around but by working within us, his Spirit deeply and gently within us. Ephesians 3:20-21

When God walled off the Jordan River for the Israelites, all they had to do was walk across. If they hadn’t walked across, they wouldn’t have reached the promised land. They accepted the miracle set before them.

The first church has what the other needs. The second church has what the first one needs. But that’s beside the point. Its what we have together that counts.   Together we can build a strong church that reaches a neighborhood. A city. A county. Together we can work toward increasing God’s kingdom in our corner of the world.

Gideon needed a miracle from God to defeat the Midianites. In the process of transforming the Israelite army, God told him to release all but 300 of his men. But God let him know that they would win the war. He also gave Gideon a glimpse of that victory as he slipped through the enemy territory. He overheard words spoken by the enemy that confirmed the miracle God said he would perform. And so Gideon led his army to victory. In spite of the odds. They won as God said they would. They didn’t let fear of the unknown hold them back.

We may not know what the miracle we’re praying for will look like. We haven’t been given a glimpse of the future victory. We need to open our hearts to the miracle when God hands it to us. Because it is a miracle. It is an answer to prayer.

The two churches have much in common. Both are filled with Christ followers looking to obey God. At the end of the day, both want the same thing. The common ground in doing this work of God together as a larger group is just a taste of heaven. New lifelong friendships. Outreach to the lost. New ministry opportunities. Missions trips. Working together as one body. Together we can achieve what each church can’t do separately. We are better together.

A New Way to Walk

~ mercyfortheday ~ Leave a comment

I’ve been told I walk wrong.  When I take a step, I step off on the ball of my foot instead of with my heel.  Apparently, that isn’t the way walking should be done.  So I now have foot problems.  Bunions.  Morton toe.  And they hurt.  They can disfigure a foot.  And they cause problems with wearing shoes.  If I wear shoes that I think look stylish, my feet are screaming by the end of the day.  Oh.  There are remedies.  Surgery.  Toe separators.  Exercises.  Orthopedics.

I stretch my toes with Yoga Toes.  I use Yamuna balls for a foot workout.  I get foot massages.  These things help my feet.  I can feel the difference afterwards.  But I’m looking for long-term relief.  I want relief from the pain I feel from wearing certain shoe styles.

I’m told there is a correct way to walk and an incorrect way to walk.  I try walking the correct way.  It takes deliberate concentration to walk just right.  With each step, I have to think about how I’m stepping.  Some days I do my best to walk correctly.  Heel first.  Roll to the outside edge of the foot.  Then roll from the pinkie toe to the big toe.  That’s what I’m told.  It is less pain.  My feet feel better when I walk like that.  But it takes concentration.  And there are days that I don’t feel like concentrating on how I walk.

I find it’s easy to slip into the habit of walking in the old way.  The incorrect way.  It shows, too.  After I’ve walked incorrectly for awhile, my feet don’t feel good.  The ball of my foot hurts.  The muscles feel tight.  The bunion aches.

I saw a new massage therapist.  As he worked on my feet, he noticed the problem immediately.  He could sense the tightness and soreness.  He applied pressure in tight areas.  He worked to ease the discomfort.  The momentary pressure brought great relief that will last longer than any discomfort I had been feeling.  Oh.  How good it felt to be able to stretch my feet without the tightness.

I’ve probably been walking this way since I learned to walk.  It’s a natural walk for me.  After all these years, it’s hard to re-learn to walk.  After all, I didn’t know I was walking incorrectly.  So when I try to walk the correct way, I have to think through each step of the process.  That certainly slows down the walking.  But I’ve noticed that the discomfort and pain are lessened if I walk the right way.  Maybe there is something to this new way of walking, after all.

But if we walk in the light, as He is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus his Son, purifies us from all sin.  1 John 1:7

I think of the one who has recently made the decision to walk with Christ.  They asked God to forgive them of their sins.  They’re starting over.  They’re walking in Christ’s footsteps now.  They need to learn a new way of walking in this world.

Oh.  There will missteps.  There will be pitfalls.  There will be tests.  There will be trials.  and there will be temptations.  Temptations to walk in the old way.  The way not of Christ.  Old habits die hard.  Tempers flare.  Words are said.  Attitudes are set.  Behaviors once thought conquered may reappear.

The new walk may sometimes be painful.  Learning to walk in the footsteps of Christ can be invigorating.  humbling.  empowering.  peaceful.  forgiving.  This walk is not impossible.  But it won’t be a perfect step.  This new walk is a walk of obedience.

The thing is.  This new walk is not meant to be a walk of solitude.  It’s meant to be a walk in step with others.  It’s a walk with those who have walked those first baby steps of faith.  It’s a walk of companionship.  Camaraderie.  Fellowship.  A walk with fellow believers.  A walk with someone who can  disciple and mentor a new believer along the path of faith.  This walk can’t be walked alone.

We Really Do Need Each Other

~ mercyfortheday ~ Leave a comment

We get home from the dog park and pile out of the car.  As soon as her feet touch the cool concrete of the garage, she lies down for a breather.  Panting hard and enjoying the cool floor, she lies still for what seems like forever.  Not wanting to move.   She’s worn out from the hour spent with other breeds of her own kind.

A liver spotted Dalmatian.  3 Huskies, 2 of them pups.  A friendly Pit Bull.  A Golden Retriever.  Some half breeds.  Some pure bred.  Others are a bundle of mix and all mutt.  But all dogs.  Playful.  Fun loving.  Energetic.  Dogs that love to run and chase balls.  Rough house with each other.  Establishing dominance and order.  Finding a friend for the moment.  It’s a dog’s life, after all.

Once their owners get out of the way, the dogs will navigate amongst themselves and discover the leader of the pack.  The leader is always sure to stand out.  Some dogs hit it off immediately.  Others warm up to each other slowly.    Some dogs are aggressive.  Others so passive, they roll over and submit without a fight.  And then there are the loners.

These dogs need to be with their own kind so they’ll know how to be dogs.  They learn from each other.  Social behaviors.  Pack rules.  Being a lone wolf isn’t all it’s cut out to be.  Dogs need their pack and each dog plays a role.

As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend.  Proverbs 27:17

I saw the text immediately.  Pray for me.  She said.  I don’t know who else to turn to.

I stopped everything and prayed for her right then and there.  My friend was in need and I could help by praying.  You see.  I’ve been in similar situations.  I’ve had moments when I needed to reach out to others.  Asking for them to pray for me when I couldn’t.  When I was hurting and confused.  When my world had fallen apart.

We need Christian friends who can hold us up in our time of need.  The Christian walk isn’t for the faint.  And it isn’t to be done alone. We need each other.

I have friends.  Christian friends.  They’re all different.  Some are my age.  Others are  younger.  Some are moms.  Some are grandmothers.  Some work.  Others don’t.  Some are single.  Others are married.  I call them friend.  Friends I count on to encourage me in my Christian walk.

I have a friend who will unexpectedly text me a thoughtful note or an encouraging Scripture right when I need it.  Others have sent texts saying they were praying for me.  Still others ask how I’m doing.  Some ask specifically how they can pray.  I need them.  I need each of these friends. Each one of them has a role in my Christian walk.  They hold me accountable.  They listen to me.  They give godly advice.  They quote Scripture to me.  They pray for me.  I need that.  I need them.  I can’t do this Christian walk alone.

We need fellowship and friendship with each other.  We need fellow Christians to walk alongside us during our heartaches and trials.  When we can’t walk alone.  We need friends who will be Jesus to us right then and there.  That’s how God made us.  That’s what he wants for us.  Oh. We can deny it.  At times, we choose to ignore it and try to be a lone wolf.  Have you heard a lone wolf’s cry?

Reuben Welch said that in the midst of all our likenesses and similarities, there can be fragmentation, division, insecurity and loneliness.  Mostly loneliness.   Oh.  He said that in the late 70’s.  He even wrote a book about it.  But it still holds true today.  Reuben Welch was right.  We really do need each other.