We’ve spent the first forty two years of our marriage living side by side. Sleeping side by side. But these past nine months have been a separation of sorts. Oh, not the legal sort. And not the disgruntled or unloving sort. It was a decision based on his upcoming retirement, accompanied by a move five hours from the home we knew and loved. We moved back to my state of birth, where we’ll spend the remainder of our days. It was an easy decision, but it meant we would be separated as he finished the last few months of his career miles and hours from our retirement home.
But now those months have come to an end, and we’re once again united. It almost feels like we’re starting over, but we’ve got many years of marriage under our belts. And we’re looking forward to many more. Only God knows what’s in store for us as we walk the path of golden years. Our hope and prayer is that there are many left.
These nine months of living alone for each of us has had its share of ups and downs. We each have faced hurdles we’ve never before encountered and hope to never face again. We can laugh at those trying moments now, but in the moment there was no laughter. Nor were there tears. There was just frustration upon frustration. One hurdle after another.
As we were packing to move, we split up all our personal belongings. It seems like overindulgence to know that we had enough stuff to fill a small apartment and a mid-sized house. But we did it. I got the dog. He got the good car. I got the better furniture. He got the throwaways. I got the two beds. He got an air mattress. I got the iron. He got the steamer. I got the good sheets. He got the florals.
Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. 1 Corinthians 13:4-7
Through these past nine months, we each have had to mostly deal with issues on our own. He dealt with skin cancer and minor surgery. Early one morning as he slept, his car was hit while parked behind his apartment building. He cooked all his meals and did his own laundry. He faced unforeseen challenges at work. He got a new neighbor who so loud, he could identify the voice of the guy he had never met as they walked past each other in the hallway.
I, on the other hand, faced multiple challenges with the new house. I dealt with two roof leaks, and now part of the roof has been replaced. I faced three episodes of frozen pipes with two leaks in one of the bathrooms. The leaks have now been repaired. The furnace had a minor glitch in early winter. Our dog died right after Christmas. I faced down mice. Just last week, a bird got into the house. The washing machine started running on its own in the middle of the night. The security alarm went off at midnight a couple of weeks ago. Early in the fall, we unexpectedly had to replace the car that I had been driving.
The highlight of his time alone was his planned goodbye tour. He scheduled lunches and dinners with family, old friends and former coworkers throughout the months he lived alone. He visited a different church every Sunday he was in the city. He scoured bakeries and farmer’s markets for cinnamon rolls. He watched history and biblical documentaries.
The highlight of my time alone has been spending time with my sister and niece. I’ve met new people at church and joined two different small groups. I’ve begun playing pickleball with a group of strangers I met in a class at the local Y. I’m helping my sister plan a baby shower for her first grandchild. I’ve begun adding perennials in a blank landscape.
Some of these things may seem comical, while others were startling. But the point of sharing this is to say that God is good. He has blessed us beyond measure. Oh, sure. The years have flown by, but we are content being in this phase of life. We couldn’t be happier.
Now we’re combining two households, and we’re settling in. We’re creating a new rhythm, and we’re humming along. We have a very long to do list for this house that we’ll tackle together. We’ll take road trips and explore unseen areas of our state. We’ll forge new friendships together.
After nine months apart, we’ve learned that we’re better together than apart. What God joined together almost forty-three years ago is still on solid ground. We don’t want to live apart. We’ll stick together for the remainder of our days.
What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate. Mark 10:9
Grow old along with me! The best is yet to be, the last of life, for which the first was made.
Robert Browning
Mercy for the Day 