Difficult Decisions

It was a Saturday afternoon, and I was reading a novel. My cell phone rang, and I saw the name pop up. It was someone I had a business relationship with, not a personal friend. I wondered why he was calling me on a Saturday. I mean. After all. He didn’t work on Saturdays. I wondered if he had called my number by mistake, but I went ahead and answered. He let me know that he had resigned from his position. That means he was immediately out of work. Oh. He had a new employer. But in his business, once you resigned you were out. No chance to get any information about your former clients. No two week notice. Termination is immediate.

He didn’t ask me to move my business to his new employer. He couldn’t. But we scheduled a meeting. A couple days before the meeting, I began my research on his new employer. I mean. I trusted him enough to continue doing business with him. But I wanted to find out some information about his employer. Did I agree with their business? So I did some digging. Actually though, I didn’t have to dig. A link to an article on the front page of their website told me enough. It told me that I didn’t agree with their core values.

I could see from indications on their website that our beliefs and values didn’t align. Now I have a decision to make. Can I live with myself if I continue working with this man who now works for a company that stands for things I stand against?

I have to admit. A similar thing happened a few years ago. I had gotten laid off from an employer that I loved and trusted. Then I got a new job. After the first day, I thought I would love it more than the previous job. But by the end of the first week, I knew that I couldn’t work there. After going through new hire orientation and learning more about what the company actually stood for, I realized that I didn’t believe in the business my employer did. Oh. It wasn’t illegal. But from my point of view, it was an ethics issue. And I knew it. But, of course, I couldn’t say those words aloud to my new employer. Or I would once again find myself unemployed. So I kept my mouth shut and waited it out. A few months later, I did find another job.

How do I get myself in these situations? It’s important to have convictions that I must uphold. Because, if not, what then?

Difficult convictions call for difficult decisions which call for difficult conversations. At some point, those difficult conversations must take place.

But then I consider other companies I do business, even though I disagree with their core values. I can’t have private conversations with them. And the same afternoon that I received that phone call, I saw a social media post from a company I support endorsing something else that goes against my beliefs. What am I supposed to do? I have to do business with someone.

How do I live my convictions and not be hypocritical? Is there such a thing as a pure life? I don’t think so. It seems that everyone is compromised in some area, whether we know it or not.

How am I supposed to know where to draw the line? How am I to know which hill I’m willing to die on? How am I to decide?


The people who know their God shall stand firm and take action. Daniel 11:32


If any of you wants to be my follower, you must give up your own way, take up your cross daily, and follow me. If you try to hang on to your life, you will lose it. But if you give up your life for my sake, you will save it. And what do you benefit if you gain the whole world but are yourself lost or destroyed? If anyone is ashamed of me and my message, the Son of Man will be ashamed of that person when he returns in his glory and in the glory of the Father and the holy angels. Luke 9:23-26

Honesty is always the best policy. I know that. Sometimes saying those honest words is very difficult when you’re saying them to someone you care about. You know those honest words may cause the relationship to end, and you don’t know how that person is going to take your message. Oh. They don’t have to take it very well, and you may not present it very well. But it’s always in everyone’s best interest, as you’re speaking honestly, to speak kindly. Because how a person handles difficult conversations says a lot about them.

Lots of words can be said. Emotions will run wild. People will become sad and upset. People may say things they regret. And some people, even though they’re being honest as the messenger, upon seeing and hearing the other person’s reaction, may cave. And they may say, well, maybe it’s not so bad after all. I can go ahead and do the thing I said I wasn’t going to do. I’ll go ahead and do the thing that goes against my conscience. Just to please a person.

And when we stop to think about those kinds of actions and the results of those actions, how do we live with ourselves? Which is easier to live with? Pleasing people? Or pleasing God? Because, basically, that’s what it comes down to. If I have a conviction about something, and I act on it and tell the other person that my convictions mean that I can no longer do business with them. If I cave just to maintain that relationship, what kind of message am I sending to them? What kind of witness do I have if I cave just to make them happy? They aren’t my God. They aren’t the one I’m going to stand in front of on judgment day to give an account of my life.

Sure. Its important to build relationships and take care of them. Friendships and strong relationships are very important. But the relationship that should be most important is the one that has eternal consequences. It’s the relationship that says, at the end of the day, that my heart is right with God. And that my actions are speaking for God instead of against him. At the end of the day, do my actions match my convictions? And if they don’t, why not?

These are the questions I’m having to ask myself as I face this decision. Do I continue doing business with this person or not? And honestly, deep down I know the answer. It’s just that he left the house in an awkward goodbye. And we all felt it. In fact, a few minutes after he left the house, he called and apologized for the awkwardness. Because he did not expect our response to his decision to change employers. He didn’t expect us to say we may have to walk away from doing business with you.

Honestly, I never expected that either when I first got his phone call. And quite honestly, I don’t want to quit doing business with him. We’ve built up a strong relationship with the man. We trust him. Now, if we choose to go with another business, we have to start over with someone new. We have to develop trust, because it’s a relationship that requires trust in the person making decisions for you.

Consider the biblical principles for which the martyrs of the Reformation stood to the death.

Now consider the biblical principles about which we say, “Meh. No big deal.”

Michelle Lesley

I see more difficult decisions coming ahead for me in the near future. With different people. As I have other decisions to make. Other plans to make. And it’s hard. It’s hard to speak the truth when you know it may offend others. It’s never the point. It’s never my point to offend others. If I don’t stand for truth. If I don’t stand for my convictions, no one else will. Because they’re my convictions.

I have to live my life pleasing God, not pleasing people. Doing the right thing doesn’t always make you popular. Speaking truth doesn’t always make you popular. In fact, nowadays, it’s quite the opposite. Truth is lies and lies are truth. Right is wrong and wrong is right. Good is bad and bad is good. There’s so much of that going on that we feel like we have to silently protect our convictions.

I read articles and I watch videos of people who have stood for the right thing. They have stood for their beliefs. Some of them have lost jobs. Some have lost social positions. Some have lost friends. Money. Possessions. Just because they dared to speak the truth, in a world that has diluted the truth. And when you dilute the truth, it is no longer truth.

There are a lot of gray areas in life, but truth is black and white. It’s either right or wrong. Good or bad. Left or right. Up or down. We’ve been told that the truth will set you free, but how many times today does it bind up people? The recipients of truth today are binding it up, making truth look ugly and undesirable. And those speaking the truth are sometimes bound to be persecuted and canceled, because this culture is a selfish one. We want what we want. And we want it our way. And we want it now.

So I have decisions to make. And I’ve been much in prayer, because I want to make the right decision. I don’t want to make a snap decision, but I also don’t want to postpone it indefinitely. So my prayer is that God opens the right doors, closes others, gives me discernment and wisdom to know right from wrong. That he will give me the ability to speak truth in a way that is kind and honorable. And that I do the right thing. In God’s eyes.

Out of the Mouth

I’ve been reading through the book of Matthew this month, and you would be surprised at what I’m learning. I’m finding that this book of the Bible has much to teach me. And I must be open to learning these truths. Earlier this week, I read chapter 15 and wow! It says that whatever is in our heart is what comes out of our mouth.

Jesus gives us examples of the types of evil that are in our hearts that then spew from our mouths. Everything gets its start in our hearts. Here we go. Evil thoughts. Murder. Adultery. All sexual immorality. Theft. Lying. Slander. Greed. Wickedness. Deceit. Lustful desires. Envy. Pride. Foolishness. Just to name a few. Jesus says that these things defile us. That means we are polluted and unclean.

When we act and speak in sinful ways, the finger of guilt will point back to our heart. It’s because evil is in us. The words that come out of our mouth are sometimes well thought out. In other words, they are premeditated, the same as other acts of unkindness. But there are also words and acts that are spontaneous. Spur of the moment. Impulsive. And either way. If they’re premeditated or spontaneous, they still come from the heart.

But the words you speak come from the heart—that’s what defiles you. For from the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, all sexual immorality, theft, lying, and slander. These are what defile you. Eating with unwashed hands will never defile you. Matthew 15:18-20

It is what comes from inside that defiles you. For from within, out of a person’s heart, come evil thoughts, sexual immorality, theft, murder, adultery, greed, wickedness, deceit, lustful desires, envy, slander, pride, and foolishness. All these vile things come from within; they are what defile you. Mark 7:20-23

The Lord observed the extent of human wickedness on the earth, and he saw that everything they thought or imagined was consistently and totally evil. So the Lord was sorry he had ever made them and put them on the earth. It broke his heart. Genesis 6:5-6

God knows that we’re only evil all the time. That was not his plan for us, but we have disregarded his truth and have charted our own paths. We live as if we are our own god. When God saw all the evil on the earth, he created a plan to clean it up and start over. He caused a flood to fill the earth. It destroyed every living and breathing thing. Animal and human. But before the flood, God had commanded Noah to build an ark. Once the ark was completed, every kind of animal walked onto the ark. Male and female. One of each. And Noah’s family. Noah, his wife, their three sons and wives. They were the only survivors. They were the start of a new people on the earth.

And yet. Here we are. Over time, the earth has once again filled with people. And wickedness abounds. I wonder if God is once again sorry that he put us on the earth.


It’s not what goes into your mouth that defiles you; you are defiled by the words that come out of your mouth. Matthew 15:11


I was driving home from the grocery store. For the past few weeks, one section of the road has been under construction. I’m not sure what type of work is being done, but it eventually closes down three lanes to two and then from two lanes to one. So, as you’re driving you have to continue moving into the next left lane. And then you find yourself and every other car in the only open lane.

So, of course, we all know what happens when there are lane closures. The people in the lanes that are closing have to move over, and those in the open lane have to make way for all these extra vehicles trying to squeeze in. Now the problem comes when people in the lanes that are closing wait until the very last second to merge into the open lanes. So when I turned left onto the road with construction, I remembered that the lanes ahead were closed. So I immediately got into the far left lane. That would mean I was in the only open lane until I turned at the upcoming light. I wouldn’t have to try to squeeze into a busy lane of traffic. But, of course, not all those coming behind me did as I did.

As we inched forward, we got past the first lane closure. Then up ahead, the second lane was closing. And, of course, up came a big vehicle wanting to get into my lane. This driver wanted to be in the exact spot I was in, and I couldn’t move. They waited until the very last second to try to move into the last open lane. And the car in front of me wasn’t allowing the vehicle into our lane. So, I begrudgingly thought to myself. I’ll let the vehicle in. So I waved him in. At the same time, here are the words I said in the safety of my car. Come on over, you idiot.

And then up came another car quickly trying to get into my lane. He would have moved ahead of me, if I would have allowed him the space. I decided no. I’m not letting a second car in. The car behind me can take their turn to let this bully car in. So I just continued on and didn’t allow the second car in.

Just as that happened, a parable in the Bible came to my memory. A father told his older son to work in the vineyard. He said no, but later felt guilty and went to do the work as his father asked. The father then told the younger son to work in the vineyard. The son said yes, but didn’t do it. Which son obeyed his father? The one who said no and did the work, or the one who said yes and didn’t work? The son who obeyed did so with a bad heart out of guilt. The other son was a liar.

You can read the parable in Matthew 21:28-32.

I found myself in a similar situation as those two sons. Which of my acts was worse? Pretending to be kind by letting the car in my lane, all the while saying unkind words with a bad attitude? Or not letting the next car in? Sure, I let the first driver in, but in my heart I was letting him know that he should have waited his turn like the rest of us. At least I wasn’t putting on an act with the second car. That’s what I tell myself. Oh. We can usually find a way to justify our actions. But that doesn’t make the act any better. An ungodly act or word is still ungodly. Nothing will change that.

I don’t know why I always have to be the example of what not to do. Just a few moments before the incident, I had been praying and asking God to forgive me for being so human. I asked him to forgive me of my bad attitude and judgmental ways. And I’d hardly spoken those words when I acted like a fool. Of course, the other driver didn’t know that. But God did, because he saw my heart. He heard my words.

I have much to learn. You would think that I would be closer to perfection. The older I get, the more I realize how much I need a Savior. I realize how much I still have to learn. There is much work ahead for this heart of mine, in this lifelong quest to be like God. It’s a never ending struggle. It’s a never ending lesson to learn.

What can and should change is my heart. Repentance. Humbling myself before my Creator, who knows my thoughts and actions. He will forgive. He is willing to clean up my ungodly heart, if I will only ask him. And then I must change the way I act and speak. And it is possible to change. The desire to be godly has to replace the desire to be my own god.

And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise. Philippians 4:8

Empty-Handed

It hit the headlines last week. The divorce of the millenia. One of the wealthiest men on earth and his wife of 27 years are divorcing. Oh. It wasn’t a surprise to him when she filed. It had been in the works for some time. Apparently. She met with divorce attorneys two years ago. Perhaps it took that long to divide the wealth they had amassed over the years. But at some point, long before the d-word ever came up, they had put in motion the separation plan. The backup plan. The disaster recovery plan that apparently couples think they need. But then again, when you’re talking about that much money and that much property and that much wealth, maybe a plan should be in place. I don’t know. That won’t ever be my issue. And I hope and pray that the d-word never comes out of my mouth as a threat or a promise to the man I vowed for better, for worse, till death us do part.

But now they’re divorcing. They’ve been living separate lives for awhile. He told his golfing buddies that the marriage was loveless. What does that even mean? How did it become loveless? Doesn’t a marriage become loveless when love is forgotten? When acts of sacrifice and forgiveness, when the sharing of ideas and plans, when the thought of being one is pushed aside? Did they not put as much time into their marriage as they put into making money? Over time, the marriage became loveless.

If what I’m reading in the news is true, the marriage started out on rocky ground. He had the gall to ask his wife if he could have a weekend each year with a former girlfriend. Who does that? That must have started the marriage off on the wrong foot. Why a wife would have allowed that is beyond me. Perhaps she had her own secret requests. That hasn’t come out in the tabloids, but other news have come out about his secret desires. His other women. I guess it’s safe to say that money doesn’t buy happiness or faithfulness. Is it true that the more you have, the more you want?

Anything I wanted, I would take. I denied myself no pleasure. I even found great pleasure in hard work, a reward for all my labors. But as I looked at everything I had worked so hard to accomplish, it was all so meaningless—like chasing the wind. There was nothing really worthwhile anywhere. Ecclesiastes 2:10-11

When we have conquered our financial and business goals, what other goals are left to conquer? Oh. He’s purchased the bulk of private farmland in this country. He has ownership in a couple of fake meat companies. He wants humans to stop eating beef. He’s willing to fork over money to try an experiment to block the sun. He wants us to become a cashless society. Meanwhile, I ask, will he continue eating beef while he is demanding that the rest of us remove it from our tables and diets? Will he vacation at the beach after he blocks the sun? Will he wish he had a wad of cash when his digital currency fails? Will we who have not amassed fortunes be used as pawns when we’re expected to do his bidding? And he calls only the marriage loveless, as he’s trying to control the rest of creation? Who does he think he is?


Fear God and obey his commands, for this is everyone’s duty. God will judge us for everything we do, including every secret thing, whether good or bad. Ecclesiastes 12:13-14


He is not God. Oh. He’ll face God one day, and he’ll give an account for all his actions. He’ll give an account for all those weekends with his mistress. He’ll give an account for trying to stop the sun that God created. He’ll give an account for all the money he’s made. Sure. He’s become a philanthropist. Because what else do you do with money that you don’t need. That you can’t spend on your own, because you already own so much. You already have the best of everything. And you vow not to leave your self-amassed fortune to your children. I’m not saying that’s right or wrong, but aren’t his children more important to him than other people’s children? Sure. His kids have had the best advantages. The best of everything. I’m sure they’ve attended the best schools. I hope for their sake that they can do well and live the lives they’re accustomed to. That sure would be a drop in status and comfort if they can’t, if that’s important to them.

What about the mother of his children? Apparently, she’s appalled at some of the people he associated with. What was it that turned her to the divorce lawyers? I don’t need to know. Personally, I don’t want to know. It’s none of my business. But when you’re already so well known for your billions and for your donations, I guess it’s only appropriate to be knows for your failures and flaws, too. Because they won’t stay hidden forever. We can try to hide our failures and flaws. Our mistakes. Our annual trysts. But there’s one who’s keeping record of all that. And he doesn’t miss anything. He. Doesn’t. Miss. Anything.

And we live our lives as if no one knows the things we do or say or think. We live as if we’re immune or exempt from God’s judgment. We can fly under the radar for awhile. Sometimes. At different times in our lives. But we never fly under God’s radar. Someday, we’ll be seen on judgment day. It’s an important day that people choose to ignore. Or maybe they don’t know that a judgment day is coming.

Perhaps this man who’s gained so much and given so much also has much to lose. If on his judgment day, the right choice on his part was never made. That act of humility and repentance for his sins. If that was never noted in his life and written in his record. If all his sins have not been wiped out and erased, then all the wealth you can afford. all the houses. all the women. all the inventions. all the plans and dreams and schemes. all the philanthropy. will be worthless. They won’t matter. Because you can’t take any of that with you to eternity. Those things won’t impress God or change his mind. In eternity, you will stand bare before God.

We all come to the end of our lives as naked and empty-handed as on the day we were born. We can’t take our riches with us. Ecclesiastes 5:15

So that’s what he has to look forward to, just as you and I do. It seems a little daunting. That day of reckoning. Because we all will be humbled as we are made to recall all of our good deeds and evil deeds. Good intentions and evil intentions. Good words and evil words. They will all be on display. Not for the entire world, but between us and our Maker.

So as I think about this man, some of his life that he thought was hidden is now being made public. Should he have been a little more cautious, a little more careful, a little more selfless? Some people say he’s selfless, because of his philanthropy. Philanthropy is one thing. Good morals is another. But he will stand before God. I’m not his judge. I don’t want to be his judge. My prayer for him is that he gets right with God and he bows to the Creator on his own will, before there’s no choice but to do so.

When the Mighty Fall

Oh. Jeffrey Epstein. How powerful do you feel now? Are you walking on streets of gold? Are you living in a mansion? Is your eternal life better than your life on earth?

Did your life end the way you had always thought it would? Did you think you would die under questionable circumstances alone in a jail cell? Were you alone? Or would you have preferred to be surrounded by beautiful women in a party atmosphere on your private island? Or in your seven-story New York townhome?

Oh. You made the news. Jeffrey. You’ve lived a questionable life. Very questionable. Was your death intentional? If so, why weren’t you unwilling to face your accusers? Were they telling the truth, and the hammer was about to come down on you once and for all? Or was it someone else’s last ditch effort to silence you? Or to pay you back? Most likely, we’ll never know.

But there is One who knows everything about you. Oh. You will never again have to stand in front of a judge to be tried for your alleged offenses. But you have now stood before the Judge and Creator of the universe. How did that go for you? You couldn’t pay your way out of your eternal destiny, now could you? I honestly don’t know where you are right now. Jeffrey. Are you living the life you’ve always wanted? Or are you in the darkest pits of hell? Are you with your Creator, God Almighty? Or are you with the enemy of your soul, satan himself? Are you basking in glory? Or are you writhing in agony and torment?


You may be sure that your sin will find you out. Numbers 32:32


Let’s imagine, Jeffrey, that with your last breath you cried out to God to forgive you. Let’s imagine that you are walking the streets of gold. Let’s imagine that when you stood before God to be judged there was a red streak of Jesus’ blood across your record of sins. And that your sins have been made white as snow. They’ve been erased. Let’s imagine that you’ve been forgiven and are now a child of God. You are in heaven. It’s possible that happened.

But then. Let’s imagine another scenario. A darker scenario. Let’s imagine that instead of crying out to God with your last breath, you uttered his name in blasphemy. Let’s imagine that you drew your final breath in hate and bitterness. Let’s imagine that your name was not in the Book of Life and that you were cast into the depths of hell. There’s no turning back from that torture.

Were you laughing at those who were gunning for you and your every dollar? Thumbing your nose at the many who have accused you of indecent and inappropriate behavior. Waving your money to buy you a mansion in your eternal home. But it doesn’t work that way. Jeffrey. You can’t buy or work your way into heaven.

The public may never know the truth. And maybe that’s for the best. Perhaps we don’t need to know how you acquired your wealth. I’ve read that the acquisition of your riches was not necessarily honorable. What was it that caused you to think you were above the law? You chose to run in social circles that many would envy. Politicians. Billionaires. Royalty. Beautiful women. Private island retreat. Private jet. But how did you accumulate what you owned? Why did you crave that lifestyle? Why unwilling young women?

Were you surprised when the cops came to your house and rammed the massive wood door? Oh. You weren’t there. You were already in jail. Did you wonder if they had finally uncovered your deepest darkest secrets? Did you wonder if you had finally been found out? Did you breathe a deep sigh of relief that now the game was over? Or did you breathe short struggling anxious breaths knowing that the true fight had just begun?

Jeffrey. You’re now in eternity. You’ve breathed your last breath. Fought your last fight. Earned or stolen your last dollar. You’ve been judged and have received your final reward or punishment. God only knows what the truth is. He’s the only one who knows the truth. But you are an example to many who are living life on the fringes. Knowing what’s right but doing what’s wrong. Looking out for yourself and pushing others to bow to your wishes. That’s no longer an option for you.

May those of us who still live and breathe choose to follow the Lord God Almighty. May we choose to bow to Him before we’ve taken that last breath. When there is still time to choose heaven. Because our sins will always find us out. We will be held accountable. Just as you have. Jeffrey.

The Fade

It’s been in the news lately.  A couple of famous people have fallen off the sobriety wagon.  Oh.  They’re jumping back on, but now their private acts have been exposed.  The battle they’ve been fighting is still being fought but now out in the open.  Their worst private moments are made public.  They lost their way.  They had a tough year.  They gave in to the dark thoughts and desires within.

Oh.  It’s easy to point fingers and name names.  It’s easy to blame others’ problems on their lack of self-control or unknown weaknesses.  But I don’t know these people.  Except for what I read in the news.  I’ll never meet them.  I’ll never shake their hand.  I’ll never look them in the eye.  But what I do know is that the issues they’re facing can’t be faced alone.  They need others to help guide them and hold them accountable.  They need help.

They’ve had years of sobriety and great success.  They have been applauded and rewarded.  They have been the center of attention for a period of time.  But something happened.  Poor decisions.  Hard times.  Uncertainty.  Temptations.  Dark thoughts.  Who knows what caused the downfall.  They knew all the right things to do.  Go to meetings.  Be accountable.  Get help when things start to spin out of control.  But this time.  This time things were different.  The downward spiral started and before too long, they were too far gone to rescue themselves.  They no longer listened to the voice of reason within themselves or from those who wanted to help.  They got lost as they walked the path of sobriety.


I have hidden your word in my heart, that I might not sin against you.  Psalm 119:11


I read a story in the Bible about a nation called Israel.  They had a history of ups and downs in their relationship with God.  Oh.  Life was good when they kept God on their side.  But when they started to spiral downward.  And they did.  Life went out of control.  Their enemies came calling.  No.  It wasn’t social calls.  It was war.  All-out war.  Then when life became so unbearable, they remembered God.  Oh.  Yes.  God can help us.  They remembered.  When they allowed God in their lives and routines, He always came through.  He helped them win those battles.

During the times of forgetting God, the temple priests preached feel-good religion.  The priests quit reading the Bible to the people when they visited the temple.  The Bible got lost in the shuffle and wasn’t read for years.  Oh the joy when they found the Book.  When Josiah became king, he commanded the priests to dust it off and read it again.  Oh.  The change was real.  The king and his people repented and enjoyed peace in their land and in their homes and hearts.  But when Josiah died, the people forgot God and went back to their old ways.

It makes me wonder.  What happens in our lives and homes when we don’t read the Bible?  When we put the Bible on the shelf to accumulate dust?  How long does it take for us to forget God’s commands and promises?  How long before we begin to ignore God’s calling and will for our lives?  How long before we no longer talk about God to our children and families?

What do we turn to during our times of trouble if we’re not turning to God and his Word?  What stumbling block is in our path if we don’t keep the path to God clear and uncluttered?  Who will hold us accountable when we start down the slippery slope?

How does it happen?  It’s not an overnight change.  It’s gradual.  A slow move to accepting.  Or thinking.  Or acting in ways you once thought repulsive.  A giving up.  A letting go of values.  Beliefs.  To accepting the viewpoint you once disapproved.  The gradual release of convictions.  Of letting inhibitions go.

How do we go back?  How do we return to our first love?  How do we get back on the road of redemption?

Oh God.  Forgive us for not faithfully reading and studying your Word.  The lifeline to you.  We’ve forgotten it and moved to thinking that being good is good enough.  But really.  The Good Book needs to be dusted off and placed in the center of our lives.