bad attitude

Attitude Check on Aisle Four

~ mercyfortheday ~ Leave a comment

I was in the grocery store, and I was in a hurry. I was trying to get all my errands run before my appointment, and I was rushing. Oh, I know it was all my fault, but here’s how the grocery shopping went. I rushed through the store, gathering up the items I needed. Then I went to stand in line, and there were three people in front of me with only one cashier working.

This grocery store is known for slow cashiers and even slower baggers. But there I was standing in line behind two people who were waiting for the one at the cashier to finish, and that transaction was taking awhile. I’m not sure why, but they were going slow. I dared not look at the clock because I didn’t know want to know what time it was. I knew my appointment was fast approaching, But here I stood with a cart full of groceries, and I was determined to pay for them and take them home with me.

First cart in line went through with a few items, and they went slowly. As the couple in front of me was checking out, I saw the cashier put a package of meat under the counter. Toward the end of scanning their groceries, the woman customer left the line and went to get a new package of meat. I was annoyed, to say the least. I knew I had little time, and here I was waiting for somebody to get another item. They had picked up one that had an expired date on it and didn’t want to buy expired meat.

As I stood there waiting impatiently, I reminded myself that I was the Christian here. I needed to represent Christ, just as he would have lived. But in that moment, I wasn’t feeling holy. I wanted to become like Jesus as he threw the the money changers out of the temple. I wanted to act in a holy rage and tell them I was in a hurry, and could they please move along. I wanted them to respect my schedule and my needs, but I stood there quietly. Yep, I drummed my fingers on the cart. I tried not to look at them, because I knew I wouldn’t have a happy look. I had an attitude problem. Finally, the woman reappeared with a new package of meat. They got checked out, and then it was my turn to have my groceries scanned.

I emptied my cart as fast as I could, and the cashier began scanning the items. He picked up a can of green beans that was dented, badly dented. He asked me if I wanted the dented can. Yes. I said I don’t have time to get another can. And he said, I’ll give them to you for 50 cents or for $1. Which would you prefer? I don’t care. So he settled on $1.

And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise. Philippians 4:8

The Bagger was slow as always, taking his sweet time. I finally had to help him put the groceries in my cart because he was just dawdling. I don’t know what goes through his mind. He never has a sense of urgency about doing his job. As we were putting the last items in the cart, he almost forgot one bag. So I had to hurry and put it in my cart. I needed to leave. I rushed to my car and unloaded all my groceries. As I pulled away from the grocery store, I realized I still had 30 minutes before I needed to get to the next appointment. I was going to make it on time. Why was I even worried? Why did I let myself get into such a stew over nothing?

When the spirit or the heart is the stage whereon sin is enacted, it is a spiritual sin; such are all impure thoughts, vile affections, and desires which do not break forth into overt action but are nonetheless real acts of the inner man. As with all sin, Satan is the great, unseen instigator of every sin of the heart. Keep a close watch on your heart.

~William Gurnall, The Christian in Complete Armour

My bad attitude might not have been obvious to the people standing near me in that grocery store, but I knew that God had seen it. I knew that he was probably shaking his head knowing I had plenty of time to get to my next appointment. And then once I got to my destination, I would have to sit in my car for 15 minutes before going into the office. Otherwise I would have been waiting an extra long time in the doctor’s office.

And I just have to ask, why do I do this to myself? Why do I get all in a tizzy for no reason? I don’t know. It’s just the way I’m made. Probably nobody else in history has this same problem, but there I am being so human. And all the while knowing I’m a Christian and I don’t know if these other people are, and they were kind. The woman was apologetic for having to leave the line and get a new item. Yet I was frustrated. Thank goodness I didn’t actually say anything, because there was no need. I knew there was no need, but in my frustration I had plenty of unkind thoughts swirling in my head.

I can’t even say, Father forgive me, for I know not what I do, because I knew what I was doing. I knew my attitude was wrong. I knew my thinking was wrong, and I thought it anyway. So still I must say, Father, forgive me, especially when I know I’m wrong. Help me to be more like you in my words, in my actions, in my thoughts, in my attitudes, in the way I approach people. Help me to show kindness. Even if someone isn’t doing a good job. I can help them. I can be a good example.
Help me, Father, I need you.

I need Thee every hour,
  Most gracious Lord;
No tender voice like Thine
  Can peace afford.

I need Thee, oh, I need Thee;
  Every hour I need Thee;
Oh, bless me now, my Savior!
    I come to Thee.

I need Thee every hour,
  Stay Thou near by;
Temptations lose their power
  When Thou art nigh.

I need Thee every hour,
  In joy or pain;
Come quickly and abide,
  Or life is vain.

I need Thee every hour,
  Teach me Thy will;
And Thy rich promises
  In me fulfill.

I need Thee every hour,
  Most Holy One;
Oh, make me Thine indeed,
  Thou blessed Son.

~Annie Sherwood Hawkes/Robert Lowry

Mind over Matter

~ mercyfortheday ~ Leave a comment

I received the news. More work is coming your way. Internally I didn’t take the news well. But on the outside, I tried to show willingness for the extra tasks at hand. I was annoyed. I was frustrated. I had finally jumped one of the last hurdles of a busy fourth quarter. I was ready for a slow February. So I didn’t take the news well. But it was news I was expecting. Just not all in one fell swoop.

The words that I kept hearing in my mind were a rebuke.  They were words telling me that my attitude was wrong. They were saying I should know better than to be so upset about something so small. They said you’re bigger than this. Don’t let this annoyance bring you down.

What is in the heart, the mouth speaks.  Matthew 12:34

Let the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart be pleasing in your sight, O Lord my Rock and my Redeemer.  Psalm 19:14

Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life. Proverbs 4:23

 So I knew I must be silent, because the meditations of my heart were not pleasing to God. I knew that. And I knew I must not voice them. I knew I needed to dig deep to find out why I was so annoyed. What was the real issue anyway?

We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. Romans 5:3-4

Someone else had assigned a task. I did the work. But then they redid the whole thing. The final piece didn’t have one ounce of my efforts in it. I didn’t want to be offended, but I kind of was. Why? What did it matter? Did they think my work wasn’t good enough? Maybe. Did they want to take the project in a different direction? Obviously. So why wasn’t I ok with that? I knew I needed to be. I knew I couldn’t let a bad attitude creep in. I knew that I needed to be able to applaud them for a job well done, if it ever came to that. And I needed to mean it. Not force the compliment.

So I set out to pray. For myself. For my stinking attitude. I’m only human. But I want to be godly. I want to be an example of how to handle a disappointing situation. Did I pass the test? Only time will tell.

Someone else insulted me to my face. She didn’t realize what she was saying. But I sure did. I chalked up her words to youth and ignorance. For one day, she will stand in my shoes. And when the tables are turned on her, we’ll see how she responds. Fortunately, I kept my mouth shut that day.

If I want to be like Christ, then I need to be like Christ at that moment when it counts. Not tomorrow or next month. But right now. Right when the truth smacks me right in the face. Right when I have the opportunity to prove to myself that God is enough in all the trials of life.

I’ve learned that in those moments of  frustration, disappointment, insult or direct honesty, I do have a choice. I can choose to be like Christ or not.  Easy or not. I need to take a step back. Listen to what’s being said. Appreciate the fact that I have work to do. Be willing to take criticism. I can be a godly example. It is a choice.

Heart Problems

~ mercyfortheday ~ Leave a comment

She said my name with a sense of urgency.  She wanted me to do something that was her responsibility.  She had forgotten about it.  It was now urgent.  Do or die time.  And now it was my burden.  I had now been tasked with the responsibility to make things right.

Your lack of planning does not constitute an emergency on my part.  Someone close to me uses that phrase.  But somehow I couldn’t say those words.

I could feel the bad attitude rising quickly within me.  I could have used words that would have reduced her to something small.  But that would have made me smaller.  I could have slammed a file down on the desk.  Or stomped off.  That would have caused more problems.  Instead, I stewed.  Boiling on the inside. No one can see stewing, can they?

Words can hurt people.  Actions can hurt people.  You can’t take those things back.  Both words and actions are devastating.  Thoughts and attitudes are just as destructive.  Is my bad attitude harmful to others?  Who is harmed if I think ugly thoughts?  If I don’t act on them?

Bad thoughts and attitudes are destructive to the one who thinks them.  They make a person bitter.  Or rude.  Or greedy.  Or judgmental.  And they spill out onto the next person.

Let my words and my thoughts be pleasing to you, Lord, because you are my mighty rock and my protector.  Psalm 19:14

Whatever comes out of the mouth begins in the heart.  Maybe I should put duct tape over my mouth to keep the ugly words out.  Is it possible to duct tape my heart, as well?  Would that keep the ugly thoughts away?  Would that stop the bad attitudes?

Then I remembered.  I’ve been trying to approach situations as if I’m doing everything for Jesus.  If Jesus had been the one asking me to do this thing, would I have created stew?  Would my attitude be different just because the messenger is different?  Is it fair to be willing to do for one what I’m not willing to do for others?

As soon as my thoughts turned to who I was really working for, I felt a shift of my attitude.  I was willing to do this.

It was actually a simple task she asked of me.  It was just scheduled over an event I had already planned.  My schedule had to change in order to accommodate someone else’s need.  I knew that no matter what my attitude was, I would still have to do what was asked of me.  I didn’t have a choice.  Maybe that was the problem.  I didn’t have a choice.

Sure, that person messed up.  I could help them out.  I’m sure they were going to get a talking to later, so why should I make the situation worse by being difficult.  It’s all a matter of the heart.  The attitude.  Whatever is in the heart comes out in actions and words.  Kind or unkind.  Pleasant or ugly.  Good or bad.

There is a choice.  It’s really a simple choice.  Remove the emotions and treat someone the way you would want to be treated.  Sounds so simple, yet sometimes the struggle is very real.