grief

When Tragedy Hits Home

~ mercyfortheday ~ Leave a comment

Two weeks ago, members of our family experienced a horrible, horrible tragedy. An unnecessary tragedy, but I’ll keep the details private. Two young people lost their lives. One was in her mid-twenties, and the other just missed his third birthday. A mother and son gone too soon. The eight month old baby survived. The children are distant relatives of mine, and I never met them. That doesn’t soothe the heartbreak for the family members who knew them well. These family members who are in the deep throes of grief know all too well that this tragedy was avoidable. But somehow, here they are mourning lives they’ll no longer see.

I’m sure they’re all questioning why. Why did this terrible thing have to happen? Why this family? Deep down. They know the reason, but still. At this point, we look beyond the why and pray for healing for those who are left behind. The family is hurting and in deep pain and will be for a very long time. I’m sure there are thoughts of “if only”, but reality has a way of telling us that we can’t go back and undo past decisions. Sometimes they have long lasting consequences.

So, now we pray for healing for the family. For the pain and questioning and anger to ease. Looking forward to making memories looks different than it did a couple of weeks ago, and there’s no going back. Oh. It will take time to work through the grief. Grief is a hard place to be, and it escapes no one. I’m sure they’re reliving happier times, knowing the delight the young lives that were taken brought to the family. And the loss is real. The pain is real. The family has unfortunately lost others, so they know the path of grief. But that doesn’t ease the sting of this new monumental loss.

Acknowledging the pain of loss and walking through it is not for the weak, but it’s a necessary step in the healing process. Living with the grief, while difficult, is the only way to heal. We can’t ignore it or dismiss it. We walk in the midst of it and allow ourselves to experience the hurt and anger and loss, so healing is possible. Nothing will bring them back, but healing can lessen the emotional costs that can consume a heartsick soul. And for most days, at least in the foreseeable future, all thoughts will be consumed with the loss. The replaying of the event. The repeating of the story. The questions. It’s a normal part of the grieving process. It will lessen over time, but for now it’s front and center.

He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. Psalm 147:3

It’s at times like this when many unanswered questions are asked. Many unrealized dreams must be set aside. The new normal has begun. Once a loss has been sustained, you never see life the same. There’s a scar where there never had been before. It’s just a part of life and a piece of your story now.

The hard truth is that everyone of us, at some point in our lives, will be subject to immense grief. We have no way of knowing the reason or the timing or even the severity. We will have loss. Possibly, unspeakable loss. We can’t plan for it or stop it. It will just happen. Sometimes spontaneously and at other times at an eventual pace. The world is full of evil and uncertainty, and we cannot guarantee safety and security for all our days.

It is so important to build a deep-seated faith in God. Building our faith in the solid rock of the saving knowledge of Jesus Christ will be the foundation we stand on during the tempests of life. Our faith must be so strong and solid that nothing, not even the worst tragedy, will sway it. The tragedy will only strengthen our resolve to have full dependence on the God who redeems us.

Someone who doesn’t have a close relationship with the Lord may be questioning why those who do have faith say that it is what sustains them. Here’s the reason. The love of Jesus Christ never leaves us. It is the sustaining force when the waves of uncertainty and loss hit us. Knowing that our Lord suffered a horrific death on the cross for our sins and is waiting for us in our eternal home is more than sufficient when all of life suddenly shifts. Keeping our eye on the future with him is a liberating thought as we face the unknown. Our future is secure with him, because of his sacrifice. And that makes the pain of our loss bearable knowing he’s waiting for us.

And then there’s hope. The hope of spending eternity with Jesus is so comforting that it eases the burdens of loss. It doesn’t mean the grief and the questions and the heaviness aren’t a part of life. It means that my hope doesn’t lie in the life I’m now living, but it lies in an eternity where there is no pain or death or loss or grief. That’s what we have to look forward to when we place our trust in Jesus Christ.

Life Isn’t Fair

~ mercyfortheday ~ Leave a comment

In recent weeks, I’ve stood with families of two women who were in the prime of their life. Lives cut short. Husbands left widowed. One with young children. One with young grandchildren.  Parents and siblings left behind.

Two women.  40-somethings. Lives cut short by an awful disease.  Strangers to each other but known by so many.  Both lovers of God and lovers of people.  They both loved deeply and were deeply loved.

Taken too soon.  That’s what we say.  But God knows.  He planned their lives.  He allowed the suffering.  He called them home before we were ready to release them.

That’s how it is.  We’re never ready to let go of family.   We’re never ready to let go of friends.   We have memories.  But we want more to make memories.  We want what we had.  The good times.  The face-to-face interactions.  The laughs.  The hugs.  We want more than memories.

I’ve stood on the receiving side of grief.  I know the pain.  I know the heartache.  The whispers of comfort from friends and family.

We may ask why.  Why them?  Why so soon?  Wasn’t there more they could have accomplished in life?  Why wasn’t a cure found for their disease?  Didn’t their families still need them?  Weren’t they too young?

It’s hard to understand when we lose loved ones.  Especially when they’re so young.  It’s sometimes hard to understand why God allows such things to happen.

Life isn’t fair. But God is good. 

Pain is hard to understand. But God is good. 

Loss is tough. But God is good. 

Grief is trying. But God is good. 

The unknown looms ahead.  But God is good.

These women are now walking the streets of gold.  They’ve seen the face of God.  They’ve met Jesus.  They’ve been welcomed into heaven’s gates.  They’ve received their final reward.

My mother used to say. I’m ready to go, but I’m not in any hurry.  After her death, I thought she was probably kicking herself for not being in a hurry.  She was in heaven.  Life’s ultimate reward.

These two women weren’t in any hurry, either.  They were ready.  But they had reason to live.  Family.  Friends.  Faith.  But God called them home.  Their time on earth was short.  Too short in our eyes.

The clock is ticking for all.  Our time will come.  Fair or not.  Will we be ready?

 

Acquainted with Grief

~ mercyfortheday ~ Leave a comment

She walked over to me that Sunday morning after church.  In a quiet voice, she said, “How do you do it?  How do you get through each day?”

A year earlier, I had lost my older brother.  Five years before that, my husband had lost his sister.  I am acquainted with grief.  She knew that I knew what she was asking.  My friend had lost both of her parents just a few months apart and was having trouble coping with the loss and the pain.  I recall feeling bad for her, because I couldn’t fathom losing my parents, let alone just a few months apart.

As we talked through our hurt and loss, we shared a common bond.  Grief does not discriminate.  It hits everyone who has lost a loved one.  It’s not a club you want to join, but you can’t refuse membership once it’s offered.  Membership is free, but you’ve already paid a great price.  You’re in the club in that moment of loss. With that one phone call.  Or with the knock on the door.  He’s gone.  She’s not going to make it through the night.  The test results are in, and it doesn’t look good.  There’s been an accident, and there are no survivors.

Little did I know at the time of our conversation, that only a few years later I would once again be circled by grief as I lost my parents eleven days apart.  Eleven. Days. Apart.

I am acquainted with grief.  I am acquainted with loss.  I am acquainted with the replaying over and over in my mind of how the scene of death played out for my loved ones. What were his last words?  When was the last time I saw her alive? Those thoughts filled every moment of every day for months on end.

What I realize now is that we really do need each other.  In those times of loss and uncertainty and unfamiliarity as we face a future without those loved ones, we need others who have walked that path.  We need someone to hold us up and to encourage us to grieve.  To live through the hard parts of life without our loved one.  We need someone to be there for us in those times when we can’t hold ourselves together.  When the memories and the loss are flooding down on us, and we feel like we can’t breathe.  When we don’t know if life will ever feel normal again.  We need to tell our story of loss over and over again.  We especially need someone to listen to our story. To hear our hurt and our pain.  To let us know that there is hope.  To let us know that as life goes on, we should cherish the memories we have and hold onto them.

As Reuben Welch said, “We really do need each other.”

Love one another, as I have loved you.  John 15:12