golden rule

Something Is In My Eye

~ mercyfortheday ~ Leave a comment

She texted me. I’m not feeling good about my job today. She said. She went on to tell me how a coworker had called to tell her that she had made some mistakes. And then later, an executive called her and pointed out a couple more mistakes. He asked her why she did what she did. She was upset. She said that if we were asked to go back into the office to work, she would have to start looking for another job. Facing these people on a daily basis would just be too much for her.

The trouble is. This job has always made her uncomfortable. And when she feels uncomfortable, she questions every decision she makes. And when someone calls her out, she beats herself up over and over. Isn’t that typical when we hear words of correction or rebuke?

But the first person who called her said she saw some of her work just on a fluke. They weren’t really checking up on her. But she wondered about that. And they informed her that she wasn’t doing things right. The second person is the one who makes all the rules for the company. He’s one of the owners. So when he says you’re doing something wrong, it’s because you’re doing things different from the way he intended the company to run. That would make a person feel bad about themselves. But his tone and method of delivery are usually abrupt and unkind.

The thing is. Both of the people who called her sometimes make questionable decisions. They sometimes make their own rules for how they do their work. And they do things different from how they train others to do the same work. I know because I’ve seen it happen with both people in recent weeks. Yet they have the nerve to reprimand someone who isn’t doing things the “right way.”

So while they’re pointing out the splinter in someone else’s eye, they’ve forgotten that they have a beam in their own eye. They’re blinded by that big splinter that’s been stuck in their eye for a while. It’s blurring their vision. Oh. I’m sure they thought they were helping her. But in fact, they made her feel very uncomfortable and more unsure of herself than she already is.

Is that how we should treat others?

I wonder how they would feel if someone called them and pointed out their mistakes. I did that recently. In fact. As part of my job, I was checking the first person’s work. I noticed that she did something different from the way I was trained. So I mentioned it to her. Oh. That’s how I do it. She said. Oh. I thought. Why are you changing the rules for yourself? But I didn’t push it any further. I just said ok and went about my business. Because I know that I sometimes do things outside the norm of my job. And if I were asked about it, I would have to give a reasonable explanation for why I do what I do. I just know that there are sometimes two ways to solve a problem. So I didn’t want to make a big deal of the situation.

But yet, this person is the one who trains all new employees. And I realized that she’s training new people to do the work different from how the rest of the team was trained. So who is right, and who is wrong?

Do to others whatever you would like them to do to you. Matthew 7:12

In the past week, three different people have vented to me and then later apologized for it. I get it. I’ve been in a venting mood lately, too. I’m far too critical of others. I don’t agree with decisions being made at work. I’m frustrated. And I’ve just had it. 

I even said words to someone I love that I later regretted. I knew when the conversation started that it could go wrong if I let it. And I did. I took my words down an unneeded path. And he fell silent. I knew I was in the wrong. And I felt horrible about it. Because I knew if the situation were reversed, I would do the thing I was accusing him of doing. And he wasn’t even doing anything wrong.

It seems that I see everything wrong with the other person or situation and don’t stop to look for the good. The fact is that I’m being blinded by the beam that is in my own eye. It’s causing my vision to be skewed, and all I can focus on is everyone else’s imperfections. I guess I think their imperfections are worse than mine.

It’s easy to get frustrated with others. They can rub us the wrong way. Or insist on getting their way. They may demand more than one can give. They can push the wrong buttons on just the right day to make everything seem impossible.

And why worry about a speck in your friend’s eye when you have a log in your own? How can you think of saying to your friend, ‘Let me help you get rid of that speck in your eye,’ when you can’t see past the log in your own eye? Hypocrite! First get rid of the log in your own eye; then you will see well enough to deal with the speck in your friend’s eye. Matthew 7:3-5

What faults do I overlook in my own life that I can easily spot in others? Perhaps, I should stop and perform surgery on my own judgmental attitude before I pretend to help others. Who says I’m right and they’re wrong.

Why do I tend to focus on the misdeeds and faults of others and not look at myself? I need to remember that when I point a finger of judgment at someone, there are three other fingers pointing back at me.

Our words are important.

If I had to eat my words, what flavor would I taste? Would they be sweet and satisfying or deadly poison? Would I ask for a second helping or choke on the first bite? I have to ask myself how my words affect my listeners. Do people come back to hear more, or do they avoid me like the plague?

I like to think that I treat myself well. Without going overboard, of course. But do I treat others the same way? Do I give others grace when they need it most? I read this week that the world needs more love and less judgment. I heartily agree.

So encourage each other and build each other up, just as you are already doing. 1 Thessalonians 5:11

Good and Kind

~ mercyfortheday ~ Leave a comment

Her name is Rosie. She is a 102 pound Mastiff/Lab mix. Yes. She’s a dog. A big dog. A good dog. A gentle dog. She’s a rescue. She has a checkered past due to no fault of her own. She feels very secure with who she is. She stands up for herself. She loves her people. She protects her people.

When she is at the dog park, she loves all the dogs and wants to run and play with them. She actually likes to chase the dogs who are chasing the balls. She runs to the gate to greet anyone who enters the park. She stands up for herself when other dogs are aggressive. She lets them know that she won’t be bullied. But she always has her eye on her people. She needs to know that they are there waiting for her. But she avoids them when they’re ready to leave, because she is never ready to leave.

When Rosie is in the yard at home, she feels responsible to protect her turf. She isn’t happy with the neighbor dogs walking on her sidewalk. They’re encroaching on her property and that shouldn’t happen. According to Rosie. When she is in the house, she sits in her chair and watches the activity in the front yard. She barks out a warning if anyone is invading her space. At times she jumps on the window to make sure the potential invaders know this isn’t a safe space for them.

Since Rosie has a habit of lunging for passersby on the sidewalk, I’ve taken to given her instructions before we walk out the front door. Once her leash is on, we stop at the door for a second to slow down and relax. I want Rosie to remember to treat others with respect. I want her to know that the neighbors and their pets aren’t trying to cause trouble for her. They are just passing by. Each time we walk out the door, I give her the same command. Let’s be good. Let’s be kind. I do that in hopes that she will be good and kind to those she may run into.

Do to others as you would like them to do to you. Luke 6:31

I think about how I treat others. Do I attempt to protect my turf at all costs? Do I warn others to back off if they get too close? In the name of safety, do I keep people at arms length? Do I build that invisible wall when others try to get too close? What am I afraid of?

If I were other people, would I like the way I treat them? Sometimes my bite may be worse than my bark. And sometimes my bark is downright brutal. Is it intentional? Do I think before I speak? Do I act without considering how the other person will feel?

I like to think that I’m comfortable in my own skin. So why do I get offended easily? Can I accept the same type of criticism that so easily flies out of my mouth? I wonder if others see me as kind and thoughtful. Or do they see me as the one who speaks before she thinks.

It’s natural to want to be treated kindly. One would think it is natural to treat others kindly in return. Not so. Feelings get hurt. Conversations get interrupted. Drivers are in a hurry or they’re too slow. That one coworker sits too close and talks too loud. Are we ever really happy?

Grace is a thing I’m learning. To stop and look a little closer at the situation. Perhaps the other person just received bad news and is in a hurry for all the right reasons. Perhaps the information I’ve been given is for my ears only. Perhaps my words were more offensive than I expected or planned. Perhaps I need to step back and slow down before I enter the world each morning. Perhaps I need to stop and remind myself of the command I give Rosie.

Let’s be good. Let’s be kind.