Sometimes I feel invisible at work. I work hard. I do my job well. I don’t cause trouble. If I didn’t speak up about issues I feel strongly about, would I even be noticed?
Is it because I don’t make waves? I don’t cause trouble. I don’t do personal things at work. So I’m not noticed. That should be a good thing. Right?
Why am I not included in certain group emails or chats that relate to questions I can answer? Why am I not offered preferential treatment like others are?
Why does special treatment pass over me to others who’ve come after me? Because where I work seniority is everything. Except when it comes to me. Or so it seems.
I ask myself these questions but I don’t voice them. But it doesn’t make sense to me.
These are things I ponder. But I don’t want to dwell on them too long, or they could begin to fester. My wondering could become a bad attitude and take me down a path of sin. Sin as in grudges, treating others in a way that puts me and them in a bad light. Gossip. Saying things, true or not, about others just to puff up myself and put them down. I don’t need that, nor do I want it.
Do not be afraid, for I have ransomed you. I have called you by name. You are mine. Isaiah 43:1
I received a great performance review. No negative feedback. No suggestions for improvement. A decent raise. But it makes me wonder. What was the feedback they should have given? After all, I’m far from perfect. Or does my reviewer just not know how to give feedback, regardless of it being positive or negative.
I ponder. I have to leave it all in God’s hands, because his ways are higher than my ways. His plan is perfect. I need to trust him even when I can’t see the road ahead. Perhaps God is protecting me. Shielding me from petty differences. Guiding me down a narrow path, because the wide path may lead to disgrace or discouragement. Perhaps he has me right where he wants me. And I just need to let go of any feelings of concern that could begin to grow if I dwell long and hard enough on them.
Why can’t I be content where I am? Why do I continue to want what I don’t have, even though I don’t know what I want? And I know that what I have is right for me right now. Do I just want to be noticed and rewarded for doing my job? Is this just an issue of pride trying to replace my humble lot in life?
I know the One who knows my name. I am not invisible to Him. He knows the plans He has for me. Plans to prosper me and not to harm me. Plans to give me hope and a future. He holds my future in his hands. And my future in His hands far outshines the future I can try to manipulate or instigate. I need to be silent and wait for His lead. May His name be praised.